I yearned to have one day when I did not think about the worst 46 hours of my life, in June, 1999 when I was held hostage with a co-worker in a workplace incident.
For years, I handled myself fairly well, on the surface. Those in my immediate
circle knew how easily I startled at any noise sounding like a gunshot. I shied
away from violent movies and television shows, even the discussion of violence
disturbed me. Both crowded scenes and tight, enclosed spaces were avoided as
much as possible.
I had difficulty sleeping, experiencing frequent and intrusive nightmares. During the day, I had an aversion to anyone who remotely looked or behaved like the perpetrator. Heaven forbid, if he had the same first name! I even had difficulty driving past the expansive hospital where I worked, which, at the time was less than a mile from my home.
These signs and symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have subsided. While I’ll never forget the incident, I remain grateful that time allows continued opportunities for healing.
I have been honored, to date, to have presented three Forgiveness talks to students, in a Theology elective. I speak about the healing power of forgiveness for me.
When I last spoke for the Instructor, I was asked when I was able to actually let go and forget for a while? It dawned on me, that Mom's death was the first time that I realigned my priorities to their rightful place. I was able to completely focus on my family and forget about the events initiated by a madman.
My Mother's sudden death has had the most profound impact of anything in my life. So unexpected! I now appreciate that death does not send a calling card.
Ironically, I remember Mom telling me she would "not have gotten over it if I hadn't made it in 1999". In some odd way, this has given me the strength, despite her loss, to keep going.
With Mom's death, now five years ago on May 7th, I have freed myself of the pain and self-imposed guilt from 1999. I know she left me words in her Journal that "my worst days were behind me and to be happy."
Today, 16 years later, I work as an Instructor on the same grounds preparing students, some even with the same name as the perpetrator, to be amazing nurses to take over for me one day - but not too soon…! And I am sure on some level Mom knows I’m very happy in my work… ☺
"LEARN TO WISH THAT EVERYTHING SHOULD COME TO PASS EXACTLY AS IT DOES."
This is a song that gives me pause every time I hear it...and I thought I’d share it with you:
by The Flaming Lips: “Do You Realize?”
Before you go...
Please enjoy the latest posts circulating in the Weeblyhood.
And today, my wish for you, dear friends, is to let go of your burdens, if only for a little while...please be good and gentle with yourself today and always.
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