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"Tell Skinny I Said Hi."

5/17/2015

37 Comments

 
Picturemarcoujor
During the month of May we celebrate National Nurse’s week. Having been a nurse for 32-years, I have mixed feelings about this recognition.

As biased as I sound, nurses need to be recognized every day. Nurses  work in the trenches of society and see people at their worst - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Nurses make a difference.  Our patients don’t always have the chance to let us know.  Yet, sometimes, out of the blue...someone like *Estelle happens along…

This is dedicated to a wonderful nurse, Carol, who is my inspiration for teaching my nursing students the importance of intuition, safety and self-awareness in the workplace.   


"Tell Skinny I Said Hi!"

When I signed DC's termination of employment letter in April 1999, I didn’t know firing this drug impaired nurse, who refused to get treatment for his addiction, would almost cost me my life. I only knew that, as Director of Nurses at our area’s largest state psychiatric facility, it was my responsibility to keep patients and staff safe from this dangerous practitioner.

Out of the blue, on June 16, 1999, DC burst into my office brandishing a gun.

Carol, one of my nurse managers, was seated across my desk; and when I saw the expression of shock and horror on her face, I knew our lives would never be the same….

DC took us hostage, shooting me multiple times at the start of the siege. He handcuffed Carol and me together, and refused to allow any medical treatment of my wounds.

Forty-six hours later, a SWAT team broke into my office to rescue Carol and me, but before they could restrain DC, he shot Carol in the head, and also shot me for the 6th time.

I was in critical condition and evacuated by PennStar. I wouldn’t learn, until later, that Carol had died instantly from her wounds. She was a beloved colleague, compassionate nurse, loving wife and mother, and her loss grievously wounded my soul. 

My own recovery was a long, slow process. My husband, who is a social worker, helped care for me as I recuperated. Our lives, and the joy filled, loving marriage we’d previously shared, were shattered by the trauma and physical injuries I’d endured.

Shortly after the incident, my husband told me he would not let this man destroy our marriage. His stubbornness and faith in us have sustained us to this day. Our marriage has survived and today we are living what grief counselors would call, the new normal.

Inner strength, determination and time, aided my personal healing process. Although I never returned to my former position at this psychiatric hospital, I did return to nursing, and have held a variety of clinical and educational roles, including teaching nurses about work place violence and teaching students about holistic and behavioral health.

No matter what position I’ve held, my clients have always come first. I currently work at a local university as a clinical adjunct professor, where I assist future nurses with their experiential rotation in behavioral health.

Student nurses have compassionate hearts---their smiles light up a room filled with sadness, loneliness and desperation. Yet, there are universal fears and anxieties about knowing exactly what to say to someone who is troubled.

I stress instead the respectful manner in which we can listen to, and support, the client. I let my students know that words are easily forgotten but the kindness behind the words is much more powerful.

In the fall of 2014 I was assigned to teach at a local hospital on the same grounds as the facility where I’d been held hostage, but I felt I was mentally prepared to accept this assignment, despite the close proximity to this tragic event of my past.

Even still, I felt it was likely that I would encounter some clients that I had worked with as a younger nurse. I also believed the likelihood of them remembering me was slim to nil, having developed a few wrinkles and gray hairs along life’s journey.

The first day on the unit, an elderly psychotic woman stared me down, as if she were peering into my soul. I felt nervous and calm at the same time.

She walked directly up to my face and began sobbing…telling me there were knives sticking out of her back. Some of the students and staff were standing around in the hall, getting ready for a Bingo program.

I intuitively felt safe and responded: “You must feel so scared.”

We don’t wear name badges, just a temporary lanyard that identifies our school and position.
She immediately blurted out my name: “Maria?” She then gave me a bear hug, sobbing: “I’m so sorry you got shot.”

I then realized this elderly woman was *Estelle. I was her nurse for many years and we had never forgotten each other.

“Estelle, I’m just fine now and I want you to be good too. Now, let’s go play some Bingo.”

One of my students immediately bonded with Estelle. I couldn’t hear what the two of them were saying during Bingo. The smiles, laughter and positive energy told me everything about the compassion that was being shared.

As we said goodbye for the day, Estelle blurted out: “Tell Skinny I said Hi!”

Skinny was her nickname for my husband. In twenty-seven years of marriage, my husband maintained a thin physique and has always been most kind to the clients.

Estelle was a great teacher for my students this day.

Recently, Estelle asked me to tell her daughter she loved her. I know she was remembering the kindness of my former student. And my heart smiled that the cycle continues in this glorious profession of nursing.
 “Kindly words do not enter so deeply into men as a reputation for kindness.” ~ Mencius
*Name has been changed to respect confidentiality.
37 Comments
Genna East
5/17/2015 12:56:15 am

Maria, I know I’ve said this before, but we need more nurses and teachers like Maria Jordan. DC is the horrific nightmare many of us dread, and read about only too often in the news. It is brought closer to home when friends we dearly love, like you, experience this first-hand. I sit here, eyes rimmed with tears, asking myself if I would have had your courage and inner strength to come back from such an experience. I still find inspiration from your positive energy and leading by example. You are my teacher, too. Hugs. :-)

Genna

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:05:42 am

Dear Genna,
Your comment is humbling and as gracious as you. I sure do love you, girlfriend. Thanks for being my first comment. Hugs, Maria

Reply
Vicki link
5/17/2015 02:23:14 am

Dear Maria,
These things are always doubly shocking when they happen to someone you know. Your story here skims the surface, leaving out the agony and pain suffered during this horrific event in your life.
I hope you are always proud of your incredible bravery and caring for others during a major crisis like this one you suffered.
It speaks volumes that you created everlasting memories in the heart of this former patient, probably confused with many things in life, but who still adored you, and even remembered 'Skinny'. That's love!
I really love that some fortunate young nurses are being taught by the best - you, dear Maria. They'll never forget you either.
Big hugs to you,

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:08:18 am

Dear Vicki,
Your remarks are wise and on target as usual - taking me right into the 'here and now' and our friend Vinaya, who puts a face on the happenings in Nepal.
Thanks for your ongoing and steadfast friendship. Love you, Maria

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Gail Sobotkin
5/17/2015 06:10:48 am

My Dear Maria,
Each time I read this essay I come away feeling renewed admiration for the work you do in the field of psychiatric nursing. You use your life experiences, both the unimaginably horrid such as the 1999 work place violence, and the inspirational such as how far you've come since then and how your nursing skills have reached new levels as a teacher.
You are a wonderful mentor, and I feel tremendously blessed to have you as a friend.
I know you deeply touch people on a regular basis and are changing the world for the better one day at a time through the sharing of authentic stories like this, and through your work as a teacher.
I'll be sharing this on FB and hope others share it too, especially those within the nursing profession and those who hope to become future nurses one day.
Sending Love, Blessings & Hugs,
Gail

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:12:00 am

Dear Gail,
Thank you for your objectivity and supportive guidance with this particular piece - as you know how special it is to me in its relaying.
Your sharing is appreciated - as is your friendship.
Have a peaceful week. Love and hugs to you, Maria

Reply
Theresa
5/17/2015 06:21:39 am

Dear Maria,

This certainly is a special post here and thank you for sharing. You are a survivor and have persevered through much trial and have come out the other side to continue to give back to others and teach with passion and compassion, as only you can.

I did not realize Chef Skinny is a social worker! It is a blessing to know your marriage survived through the worst of times and that is to be celebrated as well.

What a tremendous blessing for "Estelle" to be placed in your life's path once again, not only for you but the students there that very day!

Thank you for allowing your light to so shine ...

(((Hugs)))

Theresa

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:14:58 am

Dear Theresa,
Yes, as I unpeel this onion, we discover the Chef is a 'social worker' by day...LOL!
Speaking of lights, I am forever blessed that you are in my life, sweet T, thanks for this beautiful comment...
Love you and big hugs this day, Maria

Reply
Mike
5/17/2015 06:52:38 am

Your story has such an impact. I know many that have been scrourched by lesser adversities and not recovered as well. You've adjusted to the new normal and continued on. You have earned the respect of so many through your teaching, and your writing.

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:17:54 am

When you put it 'this way'...wowza...:) Thanks, my dear Mike.

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Sunshine
5/17/2015 07:24:37 am

I agree with you 110% that nurses should be recognized every day, not just for one week. And I do recognize them. I always tell the nurses that have assisted Team Cap that they are appreciated and no matter how somber or our medical visit might be I always make sure I give them at least one thing to smile about, because I think that might be the only time they smile that day.
You are an inspiration and you are appreciated! Tell Skinny that Sunshine says hi! :)

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:19:45 am

I will, dear Sunshine!

You are a nurse's dream...in every RAY, shape and form. Love, MM

Reply
Shauna
5/17/2015 07:25:13 am

Mar, this is a working weekend for me, but I had to come in and read this story again. It gave me goosebumps now, as it did the first time I read it.

You amaze me. You've endured so much and have come out shining. You are the epitome of turning bad situations into good ones. Most of us can't imagine what you went through on that day in 1999, but something kept your spirit alive and that kept your body alive.

You now pass that strength to your students and patients. You truly have made a mark on this world - and continue to do so.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - you are an angel on this Earth.

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:24:17 am

Dear Sha,

Thanks for stopping by during your working weekend...

'and' for getting goosebumps! That means a great deal coming from you, as you are one of the strongest women I am proud to call my friend...!

Thanks for your ongoing support - love you, hugs and peace, mar

Reply
femmeflashpoint link
5/17/2015 07:28:21 am

mar,

This story is one that's close to my heart for reasons I won't go into here. I love all of your stories but this one is special to me and no doubt is on it's way right now to becoming special to many, many others as well.

I'm also very, very happy it's here, on your very own website where your fans can easily find it and refer it to their own kith and kin.

Beautifully written and a privilege to read!

femme

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:46:29 am

Thank you for this meaningful comment and your special assist / support with this piece, my dear femme.

You know how much this (and you) mean to me. All my love, mar

Reply
Martie link
5/17/2015 07:39:18 am

Mar, this is such a touching story and proof that people can survive the most horrible event and then keep on growing to become a leader and pillar of strength. I am so sorry Carol did not survive, and at the same time I am so happy you did. I am also so happy because I met you. Although we know each other only in cyberspace, your presence in my life is totally priceless. Give my greetings to Skinny :)

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:52:12 am

Dear Martie,
I am certain that, had I known you in 1999, yours would have been one of the strongest voices in my head chanting for me 'to keep going and to keep believing in myself'.
I know this because you now do this very 'service' for me on a daily basis - like a 'Cyberspace Wonder Woman' of sorts...really quite amazing...and I am eternally grateful. Love you, my girlfriend, mar

Reply
Nell Rose link
5/17/2015 08:44:08 am

Hi Maria, I remember reading about that terrible tragedy a while ago on your hubpages but not in so much detail. What a brave lady you are! To go on working in the same field and even going back to where it happened. I loved the story of tell skinny hi! amazing how she remembered! and just goes to prove how valuable you and other nurses are, amazing story, xx

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:56:42 am

Dear Nell,
Thank you very much for stopping by. It's wonderful to see you and hope all is well.
You're a brave and amazing lady yourself. Hugs to you, Maria

Reply
Randi Benlulu link
5/17/2015 10:24:22 am

Oh, Maria, I don't know what to say. I have read your story several times. Each time, each telling, gives me more insight to the amazing person you are. I read all the comments above and wholeheartedly agree with so many of them. This is a tough sorry to share and a hard one for us to imagine you in.
What a lovely portion of the story this one was! How lucky Estelle, your students and even Skinny were!
Thank you for sharing.

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 06:59:07 am

Dear Randi,
Your sensitivity and compassion shines so brightly through your remarks. It's always so sweet to see you.
Sending you peace, hugs and love this week, Maria

Reply
Shan Marie
5/17/2015 01:52:04 pm

Maria, I liked you before, but now I find you to be even more amazing. When I hear about things such as this that others are facing or have faced I feel Luke none of my own trials and tribulations matter. Of course, in the mist of them they are challenges to overcome. But looking back at them, it's like being removed from myself, if that makes sense. Sobstories like yours make me feel both humbled and inspired.

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 07:03:48 am

Dear Shannon,
I am always so honored and grateful when new visitors stop by - thank you very much.
Thanks also for reminding me of one of Mom's favorite expressions. She usually used 'sobstory' when one of my brothers came home late from a date (or was it me...nah, couldn't have been...LOL) For me, a sign of healing is smiling, so thank you from my heart, my dear.
Wishing you a peaceful evening. Hugs, Maria

Reply
shan
5/18/2015 12:34:18 pm

Haha. . .I don't remember using that word! It is usually used in a negative light. And I meant sad stories. I wonder if autocorrect got me? No matter. If it made you laugh or smile, all is well!

Maria link
5/18/2015 07:09:10 am

PS - You indeed make sense.

In my healing, I am forever feeling gratitude about my life and circumstances... when I hear about the trials that others have been through...everything is relative. Someone has it worse than us...and someone may say the same about us...and we are forever changing in our circumstances...

Reply
Susan Sproull
5/17/2015 02:50:45 pm

Maria I can't tell you how much I admire your courage.

Nurses should be recognized everyday. How fortunate for those under your care.

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 07:11:03 am

Thanks, Susan. You and your comments are very much appreciated - great to see you too!

Reply
Bill
5/18/2015 02:57:21 am

We sold some baby quail over the weekend to a nurse. When we finished the transaction I thanked her for her service as a nurse. She got tears in her eyes...she said she rarely hears that. She should hear it every single day, as should you and all other nurses.

love,
bill

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 07:12:35 am

Thanks, Bill - you're such a sweetheart.
Love you too, Maria

Reply
Peggyruth
5/18/2015 05:54:16 am

Mar,
I was unable to respond on your site. I will not be deterred ! You spoke of this incident in our first class in 2013. I still get willies reading about it. I am convinced that you survived to teach us nurses loving kindness to to strangers but also to ourselves. Your loving kindness to Estelle has touch an new nurse. Who knows how many people who witnessed that exchange between you and Estelle will be affected in the future. God had a plan for your future that tragic day and you heard his call. Tell Skinny," Thank you for standing by a gracious gentle woman who has touch many of our lives. As nurses we need her to keep us faithful and gentle in our worse times what ever they will be. god bless the both of you.


Peggyruth Bossert R.N. B.S.N.

Ps still going for that masters in education Thanks to you

Reply
Maria link
5/18/2015 05:57:54 am

Dear Peggyruth,

I read this wonderful e-mail and 'had' to cut and paste it myself to join these other wonderful comments...that I will now answer.

You make my heart sing, as you are one of the most compassionate nurses I have ever had in my class room. Now you too will be spreading this to other students...how marvelous!

Love you and bless you too, Maria

Reply
Pamela Oglesby
5/19/2015 12:16:33 am

As a nurse for many years I had some very unique experiences, but nothing as traumatic as you. It is amazing how you have come through that horrible time, and you ave helped so many with your many perspectives and stories related to our experience. What a marvelous experience you had with your students. You are such an inspiration to all. Much love, Pam

Reply
Maria link
5/20/2015 01:03:41 am

Yes, you are a wonderful nurse, Pam, and I am thrilled to see you here today - thanks for stopping by with your beautiful and supportive remarks.

Hoping all is well and that you are enjoying this spring. Love, Maria

Reply
Mary link
5/19/2015 04:54:04 am

You my dear friend, are a celebration of nursing and life! Estelle's rememberance of you is a sign of the love and dignity you show to your patients and I'm sure students.
Isn't it funny how someone I've never met in person is so dear to me? God's plan for you was to let your light shine and you have answered his call. He had no intention of letting that light go out.
Love, hugs and blessings.

Reply
Maria link
5/20/2015 01:08:08 am

What a kind and sweet comment, dear Mary - thank you ever so much. I feel 'as though' as have met each other truly...and am grateful you are in my world. Love and hugs to you too, Maria

Reply
Angie link
5/26/2015 08:54:19 am

Hi, Maria -

I'm sorta new to "The Weeblyhood" (as Vicki puts it), but I've seen many mentions of you already. I feel as if I've been ushered to the head of the table by meeting such strong ladies here and I'm almost rendered speechless (that's saying a lot - smile) at the good that emanates from all of you.

Your strength is simply amazing and inspiring...wish I could invent more descriptive adjectives...

~Angie

Reply



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    marcoujor

    Something awaits us all.

    Know your possibilities.

    There is inspiration all around us--in those people and situations we encounter along life's way.

    Share your wonder with me as well.

    I treasure your comments.

    mar


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  • Home
  • BOOK SHOP
    • Kylie's Stories
    • Other books by Maria Jordan >
      • Mysterious & Miraculous Book I - News and Reviews
  • BLOGS
    • mar's Desk
    • Inspiration Station
    • Poetic Ponderings
    • marcoujor on Hubpages
  • I Recommend...
  • Contact Me