mar's Desk

marcoujor: Facing Fear

3/28/2018

“What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it." -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

Happening upon this quotation, I felt compelled to explore the subject of fear this week.

Please allow me to share some broad thoughts on fear - a feeling I imagine we can all relate to, in some form or another.

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I would not clump fear into the same category…

... as worry, anxiety, dread or apprehensiveness - at least not consciously.

I am famous for apprehensiveness and worry in both new situations and familiar situations with new people.

Similar feelings are expressed by my nursing students as they enter the world of the unknown in their behavioral health clinical rotation. What a change will transpire over the four weeks I work with each student - the pride, confidence and understanding that comes with pushing past one’s comfort zones.

On the flip side, I believe that ‘once bitten, twice shy’. When fearful of a person, place or situation because of past experience, I have no need to try again. With the maturity that age brings, I am able to leave the past in the past, which reminds me that not all new experiences are unsafe.

Do I have control over my fears …

… more importantly, perhaps, do I have control over the outcome of my fear?

For example, I spend next to no time fearing the thought of death. I remember Mom frequently telling me: “When it’s your time to go, you will go. Be ready at all times.”

This point was honed into my mindset in June, 1999 - when, by all logic and reason, I should have died. Now almost twenty years later, I know that ‘my time’ will come as it is meant to.

Now, in those situations where I do have control over my exposure to known fears, I am the epitome of a control freak. I find myself speaking Sammie-isms as I say: “I’m not going to borrow trouble. I didn’t lose anything in _______. I wouldn’t ______ for all the tea in China.”

In fact, if you ever see me _______, you will know I have totally lost my mind. Examples might include:

jumping out of a plane - unless it’s on fire;
climbing a mountain - unless a bear is chasing me from behind;
on an amusement park ride - life is topsy turvy enough

I also consider if there is something meaningful to be learned by exposure / participation in the activity / experience.

No matter what, I would do my best to escape…

... protect myself / those I love / care for from dangerous circumstances - those compromising life or safety..

Fear is healthy in such situations, and I allow my fight or flight instincts to serve me.

“What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it." -- Jiddu Krishnamurti

In conclusion, in the analysis of this quotation, I think there is much to be learned about fear without accompanying exposure to the harmful / dangerous person, thing or situation. Equal in importance is learning to listen to / trust our instincts in times when ‘escape’ is the safer alternative.

As ever, I welcome your thoughts, whether in the comments or via email. Thanks for joining me again this week...