mar's Desk

marcoujor: Laughing with my Mirror

8/2/2017

Through my early adulthood, I was painfully shy. If someone complimented my appearance or accomplishments, I was uncomfortable.

Today, I see where introverted people can be unjustly perceived as self- absorbed, superior, even conceited.

As a Nursing Instructor, I observe students of all ages feeling very preoccupied, stressed, even self - absorbed. Both extroverts and introverts feel as though all eyes are on them. They can be unduly harsh and critical of themselves, for example with an oral presentation.

In actuality, things that are of glaring concern to others may not even be noticed by others.

I am reminded of an Aesop's Fable from my younger days, 'The Gnat and The Bull."

Photo via caropat of Pixabay. Click the image to visit their gallery.

The Gnat and the Bull: Aesop's Fable

Once there was a silly gnat who kept buzzing about the head of a bull.

Finally he settled himself down upon one of the bull's horns.

"Pardon me, Mr Bull." he said, "if I am inconveniencing you. If my
weight in any way is burdensome to you, pray say so, and I will be off
in a moment."

"Oh, never trouble your head about that," replied the bull. "It is all the same to me whether you go or stay. To tell you the truth, I was not even aware that you were there."

THE SMALLER THE MIND, THE GREATER THE CONCEIT! Lesson learned, time after time.

The older the mind (as in yours truly) the easier it is to laugh at the minor wrinkles, of any kind, that life likes to toss us on a daily basis.

Thanks to my South African sistah, Martie Coetser-Posyn, who recently shared this song with me, knowing I was in need of a dose of humor with a splash of perspective. Take a look at this video of pure joy--at least to me!

A happy introduction

Meet Adalyn Marie, who joined us at 9:45 P.M. on July 31st - the beautiful daughter of my nephew, Jared and his lovely wife, Jenne.

ShoutOuts

☙ Why keep friends after they have moved on? Via Martie’s Foyer

☙ Fresh flowers: A return on your investment via On Story Street

☙ The Unknown Cause and Effect via Fireside with Rolly

Until next week, sending you smiles and sunshine,

mar

26 Comments

Vicki link

8/2/2017 08:07:56 am

Dear Mareer,

Loved this vid! And of course the message too. I don't quite know where I fit in - extrovert or introvert, but I wonder why I have this feeling of exclusivity at the moment, out here on the west coast of Canada, writing to you at 4.56 am, and thinking there'd probably be few of us in this area commenting!
So true, "the smaller the mind, the greater the conceit!"
Oh my goodness, that vid is just precious!
Thanks for starting the day off right for me this morning. Suddenly it doesn't seem quite as bad to be breathing in "particulate matter" and overwhelming smoke that has obscured the ocean view this morning, as we prepare for another sweltering day here.
I may even see if I can find me a nice exercise outfit like those sweet ladies have!
Lovely family there. Congrats to them and you!
Love and hugs ( cough, cough) to you!
Vickster

Maria link

8/2/2017 02:20:07 pm

Dear Vickster,

I'm ever so glad I could give you a bit of diversion from the heat and smoke you are experiencing...hoping you are as comfortable as possible.

Happy you got a chuckle out of this 'keeping it real' video.

Love and hugs to you too, mareer

Susie

8/2/2017 09:03:58 am

Love that video!!! and the sweet baby!!!

Maria link

8/2/2017 02:21:43 pm

Oh Susie,

What the heck would I do without you and the giggles you cause in me.

Thanks for dropping by. Love ya, mareer

Mike

8/2/2017 09:42:44 am

Happy Wednesday Maria - Aesop's Fables were always on my reading list. An old Harvard Classics copy happens to be sitting on the kitchen table, as I search for inspiration or Planet of the Ape size ideas.

Congratulations to the knew parents. And the video, well, what can I say?

Maria link

8/2/2017 02:23:29 pm

Thanks for being the only guy so far brave enough to leave a comment - especially about that 'what can I say' video.

The Planet of the Apes you say...? You have my attention, sir!

Sageleaf link

8/2/2017 10:08:54 am

Oh, congrats on being a new auntie! (Or great-auntie? I get so confused when it comes to cousins, 2nd cousins, once removed, great nephews, etc. lol)
What a happy song. I have it playing while commenting. :D
As for the introvert thing: growing up, I experienced all that you were saying. Even my own sister, who's 11.5 years older than I am, called me "stuck up" for a year. But it was because I was quiet and didn't fit in - even around my family sometimes. lol. It's so easy to be misunderstood when you live inside your head. Haha. Wonderful post. Hope you have a wonderful week!

Maria link

8/2/2017 02:27:37 pm

"Struck up"... LOL, not MY Cynthia. I'm grateful you can relate to what I'm saying as I tend to live in my head as well (to the chagrin of a person or ten in my world)...!

Adalyn is my GREAT niece and her Grandpop is my brother. I agree the older I get, the more confusing these family trees get.

Yes, isn't this tune catchy... uh uh oh... ;)

Love you and have a peaceful week, Maria

Barbara Jones

8/2/2017 10:33:42 am

Hi Dear Maria, I am in possession of many lotions and potions; however, I doubt their effectiveness despite the staggering costs. Congratulations on the arrival of dear Adalyn. I have been blue for the last few days due to the death of Charlie Gard. A little one just wanting to experience life. He has had Pope Frances praying for Charlie and his parents. One could not do better than this. There is little to do after diagnosis of a mitochondrial disease. It is so important to love people while we can.

Maria link

8/2/2017 02:36:17 pm

Dear Barbara,

Honestly toss those lotions and potions... your inner beauty shines on and your eyes twinkle like a teenager.

You are so right about the importance of loving people while we can. Charlie's story is heartbreaking and I feel so for his parents.

Thanks for the visit - hugs to Wrigley from Andy and Zoey.

Peg Cole link

8/2/2017 11:30:30 am

I remember those days of feeling self-conscious - always checking in the mirror for spinach in my teeth or mascara failure. Now I move among the invisible in the crowd. It's liberating. Loved the Aesop's Fable and the video song (which I'll be singing all day long, thank you).

Maria link

8/2/2017 03:06:27 pm

Yes, Peg...'liberating' is a perfect way of describing this stage in our lives.

And you are far from invisible to me, you sweet thang!

Love you and thanks for the visit, Maria

Angelia Phillips link

8/2/2017 12:50:04 pm

Prof. Mahreer,

I think I spent more than half my life being the gnat! It's true, but the older I've gotten the more time God has spent refining me.

These days, a fav phrase I'm often reminded of is one from an old, African missionary that used to visit my great-grandmama's church.

He would say, "I puffy me up, and the good Lawd, He puffy me down!"

Works for me. :)

Hugeeeee congratulations to you and your family on your beautiful new addition!!!

Maria link

8/2/2017 03:10:11 pm

What a wise and insightful phrase ... truly timeless, dear Ange.

So grateful you've given up your 'gnatty' days - you are beautiful inside and out.

Thanks for snazzing up Adalyn's pics - you are a web wonder!

Nellieanna Hay link

8/2/2017 01:17:48 pm

Wow. I’d written a reply and suddenly lost it. Perhaps for the best! . Well, let me try again. You may wish the loss had bee permanent. haha. Forgive me the volume of response. You’re that inspiring! Lots of food for thought.

I always enjoy and respect what you have to say, Maria. Thank you for inviting me to your desk! You have depth & understanding which are precious and rare .I always realize that your impetus in writing is to always help, never hurt and that's what you generously do, with gentleness, intelligence and a lovely style all your own. I really like this example!

The video is adorable and the beat is catchy! Fun! Yes, whatever the wrinkles and other evidence of living, they are more causes for good laughs than for sorrow. They’re like badges of honor of being actively alive! I wake up every day just thankful and amazed for a whole ‘nuther day of living!

More important is what is on the INSIDE and the mirror of that is also mostly inside. Reflections of oneself from externals can be helpful (or not), but, either way, they are often distracted by what is happening in the others’ own lives, or are twisted like mirrors in the “Fun House”. My old friend. Freda, once asked me to be ‘a straight mirror’ for her! That’s a very rare thing! So one just needs an accurate,’straight’ inner mirror, along with a kind one for others, and a sense of humor both directions!

For my first half of life, 40-or-so years, i was quiet & reserved, though probably not a textbook introvert, if only because I was not stressed and never thought all eyes were on me, nor were they! haha. Occasionally, I fell into hands which thought I needed their expert sculpting, and I didn’t scream and fight it, but learned from it what I could, though was not ‘remade’ by it. I was interested in the many things which were available & was preoccupied with learning to do things I liked and sought to master. I was in a family of older high achievers, and it seemed natural to enjoy, value and to do ‘my things’ well, just for the sake of doing them as well as I could. I was almost devoid of competitiveness, so the focus was just on improving my own stuff. But if it were ever praised, I realized that I preferred to just be liked & accepted for myself, rather than praised for sometimes tenuous or merely developing accomplishments. Over time, I developed more of an outreach and a comfortable, more noticeable ’presence’ on life's stage. It 'went with the territory' so I learned to accept all that is offered, ‘as is or isn’t’ IF it flowed or not, since it wasn’t my choice or responsibility what others did or didn’t do, nor was it my foundation! Emerging from my cocoon was simply a next step, but changed nothing vital.

I’ve always loved Aesop and he hit the nail on the head with that example and quote, as it aptly applies to one of many definitions of ‘conceit’: definition #8 of 9: “Overly high self-esteem; vain pride; hubris”. The word conceit comes from ‘conceive’, which gives it its wider scope! I am only now aware of its many definitions! #8 is so much the assumed definition!

To avoid hubris in oneself, it may be one’s challenge to eliminate the modifiers in definition #8, ‘overly’ and ‘vain’, from the equation. The establishment of needed, healthy self-esteem and balanced pride need not vanish, and certainly need not proceed to the level of hubris, though we see too many examples in which it has done so or is struggling with it! But one must have an unshakeable sense of self-value and must take confident responsibility for it. It’s best if one simply has that balance and the issue of hubris simply isn’t a factor. In fact, I suspect a lot of anguish stems from people trying to maintain self respect and becoming self-absorbed struggling to avoid coming off conceited! And so, in the confusion, they may become a bit squelched, defensive, even hypocritically modest, upsetting the balance. Makes one want to just hug them and say, “Relax! This isn't an obstacle course! Just BE authentic". What’s more misdirected that either false pride OR false modesty? Just BE.

I recall reading that Frank Lloyd Wright once said, “Years ago, I had to decide between honest arrogance or hypocritical modesty. I chose honesty.” haha.

Well, arrogance needn’t define the state of honest self-appraisal and self-value, either, - but, then. FLW did have a lot to be proud of, including his wit!

Your new great neice is so precious! Congratulations to the sweet family!

Most of all, thank YOU for the smiles and sunshine, Mar!

Maria link

8/2/2017 03:52:37 pm

Dearest Nellieanna,

You and your thoughtful comments mean the world to me. I feel as though I'm having a delightful breakfast visit with Mom, as you share her levelheadedness and wisdom. Sorry the first one didn't go through... :(

Thank you for your kind words. I try hard to never preach (as I don't appreciate that style) and my subject matter seems to be naturally universal.

Wasn't that video from your cyber-daughter awesome? I love your description of wrinkles as 'badges of honor'.

Freda sounds like a fabulous friend. I'm ever grateful I have a select few friends in my life who unwittingly serve as my 'straight inner mirror'!

How wise of you to intuitively be 'devoid of competition' as a youngster. I also learned in my teen years to focus on my own growth and competing with myself.

Love your philosophy of 'just BEing authentic'. I'm not sure of who else to be but 'me'...and your thoughts further validate this.

Great quote by FLW - thanks for sharing.

And thanks for sharing your beautiful heart here. Love you much and big hugs, Maria

RollyA. Chabot link

8/2/2017 02:42:56 pm

Hi Maria...
First and foremost congratulations for the new addition to the family.
Of course on a much lighter note the video landed here at the perfect time. Yes us guys well we all have changes happening. It is life, we are meant to age and we should celebrate the wrinkles.
I like to think they are the road maps of the path we have travelled and they have meaning and wisdom.
Great article and a reminder as an introvert myself getting out for that cup of coffee or dinner with a friend is all important.

Hugs as always

Maria link

8/2/2017 08:37:58 pm

"... the road maps of the path we have travelled" is a wonderful way to think about those laugh lines, dear Rolly.

Glad you enjoyed and good you are back 'in town'.

Hugs from PA, Maria

Martie link

8/2/2017 03:34:43 pm

Hahaha! That video takes the cake. Can't hide it, better make peace with it. Indeed!

But I must say, every time I look at myself in the mirror God hears me grumble. Why, oh why, couldn't we have kept our beautiful young bodies until the end? Fortunately, grumpy moments like these pass the moment I turn away from the mirror, as the peace and happiness in me always prevails.

Welcome to this world, Adalyn Marie! May Life treats you good.

Tons of hugs to you, dear sista! Keep on doing your own thing, such as putting some whip cream on your wrinkles... er....

♥♥♥♥

Maria link

8/2/2017 08:42:00 pm

Dear Martie,

Thanks again for sharing this video - now with all of us - so great to laugh 'at least once' a day.

Don't be grumpy for a minute - you are gorgeous inside and out.

I'm hoping the best for Adalyn Marie as well - she has some wonderful family surrounding her with a lot of love.

I think I'll take that whipped cream with a side of pie... ;)

Love you and thanks for being in my life, mar

Peggy Woods link

8/2/2017 11:32:54 pm

Hi Maria,

I was one of those introverted youngsters as a child. It was painful at times! I have gotten better but would never be described as an extrovert.

That video was the perfect way to end this day! It puts a happy spin on our wrinkles as we age.

Congratulations to your nephew and family on the birth of their new baby daughter.

Maria link

8/10/2017 08:39:28 am

Thanks for your note and this lovely comment, dear Peggy.

We seem to be similar in personality - so happy the video gave you some grins too.

Hope you're having a peaceful week. Hugs, Maria

Nellieanna Hay link

8/3/2017 11:57:07 am

Thanks for the lovely response,Maria! What an honor to be compared to your beloved Mom!

Had to chuckle at the mention of whipping cream. Have used it (unwhipped) as my face cleanser since in the 1980s! It works wonderfully. Removes makeup easily and nourishes as it works. Its few disadvantages are requiring refrigeration and, even so, having a limited shelf-life. But if needed, it can double as coffee creamer!

Maria link

8/10/2017 08:42:16 am

Thanks for stopping back, dear Nellieanna.

Thanks as well for sharing your beauty regime ... it is clearly working for you.

Love you and have a great day, Maria

Sannel Larson link

8/3/2017 03:08:05 pm

Dear Maria,

This video is hilarious! I've been laughing hysterical each time I've seen it. I am at this stage now that I can make humour of my sagging skin and wrinkles. Thank goodness! Just like Peg, I remember all those years when I was feeling self-conscious of my looks.Today, I feel very comfortable being me, without makeup or a great hairdo. I finally wised up enough to realize looks aren't everything here in life. But life is!

However, I do remember being very photogenic, but I'm not anylonger. Something I miss because it's VERY time consuming trying to get a decent selfie nowadays. Sigh! To get one decent shot, I need to snap a hundred pictures, at least, haha!
Congratulations to the newest arrival in your family, dear Maria! She is so adorable! Such a precious little thing.
Thank you for a great post, and a funny one, too!
Love and hugs,
Sannel

Maria link

8/10/2017 08:46:40 am

Dear Sannel,

You are one of the most beautiful ladies around - inside and out.

I have never felt photogenic, and find my selfies to be more like scaries... LOL. Oh well, it's always good to keep laughing.

Love you too and hugs to you and Freddie, Maria

mar's Desk

marcoujor: Laughing with my Mirror

The Gnat and the Bull: Aesop's Fable

A happy introduction

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A happy introduction

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The Gnat and the Bull: Aesop's Fable