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mar's Desk

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marcoujor: Loss and Healing

4/15/2015

24 Comments

 
Picturemarcoujor
I found myself going through my special memories the other day.  Lately I have a need to organize, sort and review the many pieces of life that seem to find their way into my writing studio. 

I reached for “Chicken Soup for the Mother & Daughter Soul”, which I had given to Mom for Mother’s Day in May, 2007 and took back when she died in May, 2010. 

In this special gift edition, there was opportunity for the daughter or mother to journal their thoughts about various subjects.  As part of my gift, I wrote some thoughts to Mom including these on the subject of Loss and Healing:  


Picture
My momma and me
"Dear Mom,

Loss is always so sad to me - but I have learned from you that it is a natural outcome of life- although the circumstances are so different in every case.

The earliest loss that really left a great impact on me in my childhood was our cat, Peppi. I learned with him that life could be taken ever so quickly and sometimes, without a clear reason.  And, sometimes we don’t get a chance to say good bye.


Then, some years later you taught me to celebrate people while they are living--ie) give flowers when the person can see, smell and appreciate them. I think that’s one of the most valuable lessons you’ve ever taught me.

Thanks to you I tell people what they mean to me and thank them along life’s way.  It also helped me in the greatest healing I’ve had to do - from June, 1999.  You were instrumental then with your core strength and values--teaching me that life goes on and, in some cases, becomes even richer / wiser. 

Love,


Maria” (May, 2007)

I had no way of knowing that my dear Momma would die in her sleep almost three years from the time I wrote these words. At the time of Mom’s death, my biggest regret was that I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to her.

I remember carrying this regret into a Gestalt workshop with Mariah Fenton-Gladis several months ago.  I decided to work on this as a goal throughout the three days.  

Tucked away in my special Chicken Soup Journal to Mom, I found a letter I had written to her as a healing exercise at Mariah’s workshop in January, 2015. For the first time, I read the two letters together. On some level, I hope that Mom is able to as well as I share parts of this letter with you now:

“Dear Mom,

I miss you each and every day since you left me. I still can’t believe you are gone and that four years has passed.

I never imagined life without you - you really were my life. I hope you know that and I wish I could have been with you at the end to say good bye.

I feel selfish as I was never ready to let you go. You always had such a healthy attitude about death and I know you were ready. 

I can hear you telling me not to worry - that you are OK. Deep down I know you are.

I know I’ll see you again.  Thanks for being the best Mom in the world. I wish you could have met Andy - you would love him. Please keep Alvin and Aunt Baby company until we’re all together.

Love,


Maria” (January, 2015)

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This week a friend shared the loss of her mother-in-law and my thoughts and love go out to her, her husband and family. These times are unexpected, draining and can make us feel vulnerable and powerless around those we love the most.


Knowing my friend, her very presence will be more of a comfort than she will ever know… sending hugs, peace and love.

I also learned that a very special dog that I bonded with, after Aunt Baby’s death and before Andy’s adoption, died quite unexpectedly last week. I don’t know any details of ‘Louie’s’ passing but feel very badly for my friend who had been his ‘foster Momma’.  I’ve reached out, sent my best wishes and respect that she needs time to process this heartbreaking event.

Mom’s strength and practical nature takes over when sorrow threatens me for long.  I hear her telling me to ‘give flowers to those who are living’. 



When we look around and see the number of friends and family, even complete strangers who would appreciate a flower or a kind deed of any kind, it’s difficult to remain in a state of extreme sorrow for too long...at least that’s how I think Mom wanted me to look at it.

So, today, I sent a card and money to a dear friend whose aunt has an upcoming birthday...I know my friend will select the perfect ‘smile maker’ for my surrogate aunt and that brings me joy.  Oh, and I also took Andy Jordan for an extra long walk...and appreciated every impish characteristic he has...because he is all ours! And I celebrate you and today, remembering that tomorrow is not promised to any one of us.


Thank you for taking the time to spend here with me today.  

This is a wonderful song I recently learned from Mariah and now I share it with you...

God Danced (the Day You Were Born) sung by Hot Soup.

Before you go

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Here are links to some of the latest articles circulating the Weeblyhood...

  • A Few Of My Favorite Things via Inspiration Station
  • Hands Up For Knitting via WarnerWords



  • Indie Biz Pinterest Perks via flashPress



  • Introducing: For the Love of Peeps by Sunnie Day via Graceful Intentions


Thank you for your visit today. 

Until next time, take good care of yourself and be good to each other.

mar

24 Comments
Shauna
4/15/2015 01:41:55 am

Mar, I love the letters to your mom. She really does live on in spirit and all you do.

I'm sorry to hear about Louie. Isn't he the blind dog you were considering adopting? Poor thing, I hope he went peacefully.

The song you feature here is awesome. The harmonies and three different sets of lyrics going on at the same time must be difficult to pull off. It must take a great deal of concentration - or being in the moment.

Wonderful post today my dear friend. Thank you for bringing a bit of sunshine to this gloomy day.

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 02:17:05 pm

Happy to deliver a bit of sunshine, dear Sha and wonderful to see you here as well.

Thanks for your beautiful words about Mom - so greatly appreciated.

Yes, I was thinking for a time of adopting Louie and I'm also hoping he had a peaceful death - he was a sweet boy.

I am loving this song too. I actually can't get it out of my head...LOL, I think I'm singing all three parts at once! Hugs, Mar

Reply
Gail Sobotkin
4/15/2015 01:42:12 am

My Dear Maria,
How wonderful that you found the beautiful notes to your Mom that you had written to her inside your Chicken Soup for the Mother and Daughter Soul book.
I can feel Miss Sammie and Aunt Baby smiling down on you, sending sunbeams of love to soothe your aching heart about your recent, and past losses.
I'm so glad you have the rambunctious and playful Andy to brighten up these days and be a walking companion.
Sending Prayers, Love & Blessings Your Way,
Gail

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 02:22:22 pm

Dear Gail,
Thanks for your kind and compassionate words. I also feel Mom and Aunt Baby smiling down on me - can't help but thrive on Andy's special brand of joy as well.
Love and hugs to you too, dear friend,
Maria

Reply
Vickster
4/15/2015 02:10:32 am

Dear Mareer,
Funny how your "Sammie" name drops from my thoughts with easy understanding, as some people even think I have a bit of an accent.
I know you two will forever be close and understanding, just from my own experiences of loss. Loved your pics by the way!
There's a lot to love about this post. I'm glad Andy keeps you busy and out of mischief, as his role in life seems to be. I love the way you remember all your friends, and I really love that we both know life is fleeting, and we have to do everything we can to make each day meaningful. I loved your music, interspersed with a small smile that I could never hold a harmony like that!
I love you too, dear friend. Thank you for sharing your powerful thoughts on this with your fans.

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 02:27:36 pm

Dear Vickster,
I sure do wish you and Mom could have spent time together - I know you would also have been great friends, as we are.
Just a little secret - I can't hold a harmony like Hot Soup either - but it doesn't stop be from 'faking it'... :)) Andy absolutely loves it...LOL.
Have a peaceful evening. Love and hugs too, mareer

Reply
Peg link
4/15/2015 02:50:33 am

My dearest Maria,
These heartfelt letters you've shared truly show the depth of love you had for your mother and the growth you show in acceptance of her passing. We will see our loved ones again. Our faith keeps us strong in this assurance. I share in that belief as I go through this week that was the hardest of my life ten years ago when my dad passed away. I thought I would never be okay again after that. But we are meant to go on living, just as they would want us to, enjoying every moment, smelling the roses, as my Dad would often tell me.
You are the surrogate daughter that Mom and Louise need to help bolster their thoughts. You never fail to remember the special days that mean the most to them and I am so grateful for your continued love and caring for the ladies. Thank you so much. They love you, too as much as I do.
All the best my cyber sista,
Love you.

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 02:34:33 pm

Dear Peg,
Thank you for this beautiful comment. I will hold you close in my heart this week as you remember your beloved dad. He had the right idea about us 'going on and smelling the roses'.
I am blessed to have you and our beautiful ladies in my world. And that 'love thing' is quite mutual, dear Sista.
Love and hugs, Maria

Reply
suzettenaples
4/15/2015 03:03:59 am

Maria: This is a beautiful post and beautiful letters to your mother. I can tell she was so special to you and in your life. Writing letters such as these help to ease the pain of loss. You are teaching us how to mourn and treasure those we love. Thanks, Mar.

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 02:36:41 pm

Thanks, dear Suzette. Your visit and beautiful remarks are very special to me. Hope you are having a peaceful week. Hugs, Mar

Reply
Mike
4/15/2015 04:01:05 am

This article is filled with both the richness of life and the sadness that it invariably brings. There is such a warmth of understanding as you show us how you go about filling the gap that your Miss Sammie left. And as for your boy, Mr. Andy, I am sure he is getting a full share of attention as you go about replacing screen doors and everything else that is not nailed down.

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 02:12:33 pm

Thanks, dear Mike, your comment is very tender.

As I read this, my side kick looked up and kinda smiled...either he's dreaming or plotting the destruction of his next screen door. Is this nanny cam thing on...??

Reply
Sunshine
4/15/2015 07:14:48 am

MM, As you know I love to write letters. I've written letters to friends, family, to celebrities and I even wrote a letter to a chicken but for the life of me I have never considered writing a letter to my mom who has passed on. What a beautiful idea. Thank you for sharing your letters and for planting the seed. Watch out world, here come more letters from Sunshine! :) XOXO

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 02:07:52 pm

I am thrilled at the thought of Sunshine writing more letters - and I think the world will be too... :))

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Martie link
4/15/2015 07:20:29 am

Dear Maria, the bond between you and your mother is like the bond between me and my daughter. Seeing the strength and wisdom your mother has installed in you, makes me less concerned about my daughter's well-being when the time comes when she will have to deal with life and all its issues without my support. I am sure Miss Sammy is very proud of her Maria.

Louie’s’ passing came as a shock. But this is once again a proof that everything happens for a reason. God knew that you were not ready to lose another pet, and that is why too many obstacles prevented you from adopting him. My deepest condolences to his foster mommy.

We have lost our 17-year old doggy 2 weeks ago. She was dying from Melanoma and we had to put her to sleep. We miss her so much, but knowing that she was loved and that her life was one long heaven on earth, make our longing more bearable.

Hugs,

Martie

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 02:04:18 pm

Dear Martie,

That is quite a compliment as I know how close you and your daughter are. Your words mean a lot to me.

I am ever so sorry to learn of the loss of your doggie - a long life, yet we are never ready to say good bye. Thanks for your kind words about Louie as well.

Hope you have enjoyed a perfectly wonderful birthday!

Love you and hugs, mar

Reply
Paula link
4/15/2015 03:49:23 pm

Maria....The timing of this is a bit uncanny for me. Have been dwelling somewhat on the loved ones I miss so terribly. Unintentional I think...or perhaps an outside force invading my head....not sure what goes on with me now and then.
I have often had the experience you had, coming across something I wrote way back when or finding a card I received and chose to treasure. I read your words with my heart & soul Maria. Some day, I hope to begin a healing process that hasn't even broken through the first layer of all-consuming grief in 44 years. Knowing me and my poor timing...I figure I'll just about start feeling alive again, with 5 minutes left on this earth. Guess I better decide what I'll do with those minutes!....Love you girl. Effer

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 10:58:25 pm

Dear Effer,

Your comment touches my heart. There's no time like today to start healing, in your own way...I'm honored you spent some time here with me and that you found this to be of some meaning.

Love you too, always, Maria

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Theresa
4/15/2015 04:09:48 pm

Ah, now, Dearest Maria,

You have me wanting to dig out all of my mother's letters. How precious are your letters to your dear Momma. I know without a doubt that all who are in your life, know of the special kind of love you shower on all.

I do hope you feel loved in return. There very well may have been a reason why you were not there when your mother passed, and you may know the why one day, but for now, not taking one day for granted is the best way to live, as you have stated, none are guaranteed a tomorrow. Your dear Momma knows just how much you love her and I just know she is all smiles this day and every day in knowing of the beautiful woman her cherished daughter has become, despite all that life has thrown your way.

I love, love, love that song here! God even tells us this in His Word.
Not one of us is an accident no matter how we came to be in this world, for if we are here, then there is a reason and a purpose for each one of us. Thank you for being you and sharing of your precious words to your dear Momma.

(((Hugs))) and much love always,

Theresa

Reply
Maria link
4/15/2015 11:01:36 pm

Dear Theresa,

Hoping you will pull out those special letters when you are ready and spend time with your sweet Momma as well.

Your comment is so supportive and loving - it is appreciated as much as your sweet friendship in my life.

I thought you would love this song as much as I do...always glad when you stop by. have a peaceful day. Love you, Maria

Reply
Ruby link
4/16/2015 04:25:51 am

Sorry I'm late. I am getting ready to move. I'm downsizing to a smaller home. I hate moving, hopefully this will be my last. now, your letters are precious. I remember after my mother and sisters died I searched for written words. I reread old letters. I found some poems that Bea and Eva wrote and I cherish them. Eva wrote poetry but not Bea, which surprised me. I found her poem in her bible. I too hope to see them all again. What a wonderful day that will be. Of course my tears are flowing as I type. It is so very difficult to lose a loved one. God bless you Mar. I am so busy, I'm not on HP much but will get back when all this packing and moving is over....Love, Ruby..

Reply
Maria link
4/18/2015 04:20:17 pm

Dear Ruby,

You never have to apologize. I can appreciate how busy times are when you are moving and it's wonderful that you took the time to stop by.

I know how much you miss your dear mother and sisters and also believe you will have a beautiful reunion with them one day- as we do cherish their letters and memories for now.

Thinking of you and sending you love, hugs and peace, Maria

Reply
Genna
4/18/2015 06:29:58 am

Dearest Maria…

Your words, as usual, echo that of a compassionate and giving heart. We can find inspiration and healing in reaching to others who have experienced a heart-rending loss. Our sharing and our empathy with others are part of that miracle of humanity. Hugs.

Reply
Maria link
4/18/2015 04:22:50 pm

Dear Genna,

Your comment is wise and comforting, always so lovely when you stop by. Hope you are having a peaceful weekend. Love, Maria

Reply



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    Marcoujor

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    mar  



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  • Home
  • BOOK SHOP
    • Kylie's Stories
    • Other books by Maria Jordan >
      • Mysterious & Miraculous Book I - News and Reviews
  • BLOGS
    • mar's Desk
    • Inspiration Station
    • Poetic Ponderings
    • marcoujor on Hubpages
  • I Recommend...
  • Contact Me