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  marcoujor's musings

mar's Desk

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marcoujor: Musings on Gratitude

11/25/2015

23 Comments

 
Picture
marcoujor
Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace ... it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.

Breathnach, 1996

​Mother Stands for Comfort

​From the time I was a little girl, Mom showed me the importance of being thankful for the smallest acts of kindness. She was a stickler for Thank You notes and they needed to be written promptly.
​As a new bride, I even wrote all of my Thank You notes while on our honeymoon. And, yes, Mom's note was the very first I wrote!

After her death, I found that she had saved every Thank You card that her children and grandchildren had written to her.

Mom had a way of making my November birthday special in her simple, loving manner. Every seven years, we even celebrated my special day on Thanksgiving Thursday. Since Mom's death in May, 2010, Thanksgiving has been bittersweet for me.

However, her wise life lessons will last my lifetime. At times, I can hear Mom in the very words that come out of my mouth.

To even begin to think about Gratitude, I would have to start with Mom. I am greatly blessed to have had the love, wisdom and support of my Momma for 48 years of my life.

Children were the focus of Mom's world. She sacrificed greatly so that all of us could have a firm and loving foundation. 
Gratitude is the memory of the heart.
​
Jean Baptiste Massieu

​Constellation of the Heart

​​I remember Mom telling me many times about the simplicity and happiness of her childhood. This was due, in part, to her family's modest finances in rural Georgia, yet I think mostly due to the values and decency of her family.

For the holidays, Mom and her four sisters got small gifts from the heart like fruit, candy, perhaps one doll or toy. Yet, her face radiated peacefulness and smiles, as she told me of these childhood memories.

​I learned early in life that giving felt so much better than receiving. I always felt blessed to have had 'enough'.

I became even more grateful for my blessings in  2009 - 2010, when I worked with the homeless population.

In the summer of 2010, after Mom died, I felt like Santa Claus. Every day I would bring in a cooler of food or countless items from Mom's home for the clients. I totally grasped why Mom gave much more than she ever got in life. And it felt right the I kept her legacy alive through helping so many who do not have 'enough'.

​A Story from Mom's Library

PictureMiss Sammie (my mom) at 18-years-old.
The following story is powerful to me. It demonstrates my perspective on gratitude and graceful acceptance of life, however it turns out when circumstances are beyond your control.

"Welcome to Holland" by Emily Pearl Kingsley as in Mom's book of Dear Abby's 'Keepers':

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability -- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip -- to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, The Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland".

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language.
And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
​

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland."

​Reflecting on Gratitude

Today, I can look back and say I am grateful for the lessons that trauma and grief have taught me.

Although initially a personal healing strategy, I now teach my students the importance of self reflection in the form of journaling.

As stressed, frustrated, angry as we can become in our daily lives, you can truly be your own best therapist by getting it out on paper. In the privacy of a journal, there is no right or wrong in content or number of entries.

I encourage the recording of happy experiences that occur as well. There are Gratitude Journals, yet a notebook will do. I would not offer one example, as all of our lists would be so very different.

Journaling can give the writer a sense of perspective and the relative importance of life matters.

For me, journal writing helps my mental well-being just as walking helps my physical health and stamina. For, in both writing and walking, I cannot remain negative for long. I can find my mind, body and spirit being drawn to the many thing I have to be grateful for.

I have been accused of being a Pollyanna, over the years. I am guilty as charged.
For the record: "Pollyanna did not pretend that everything was good. Instead she represented a cheery, courageous acceptance of the facts. She understood that unpleasant things are always with us, but she believed in mitigating them by looking for whatever good there is in what is." Eleanor Hodgman Porter

Please take a moment to check out the happenings in the indie-biz blogging community this week:

Famous Yeast Breads of Gozo via WarnerWords

Ann Rains: Good Work via flashPress

​
Happy Thanksgiving to you and those you love. 

 ♥ Maria
23 Comments
Suzette Walker
11/25/2015 11:05:59 am

Maria, what a beautiful write! So appropriate for this time of thanksgiving. I love your mother's story and the comparison she makes between raising a disabled child and wanting to travel to Italy but ending up in Holland. Great comparison. Yes, no matter where we end up, we need to appreciate and find the food in where we are in life. I so enjoyed reading this, Maria

Reply
Maria link
11/25/2015 07:41:44 pm

Thanks for your perceptive comments, dear Suzette.

Wishing you and yours a peaceful Thanksgiving. Hugs, Maria

Reply
Mike
11/25/2015 12:06:05 pm

Italy was a good plan. It should have worked. Momma Mia, oh, wait,that is Greece. That Miss Sammie was a wise one for sure. She would not want Thanksgiving to be bittersweet, unless that is your preference.

Another thing about that Italy plan, I would have never written Emerald Wells Cafe.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.And a toast to Miss Sammie - a true inspiration.

Reply
Maria link
11/25/2015 07:45:20 pm

Miss Sammie always said 'things happen for a reason'.
As for me, I'm ever grateful for you and EWC.
Hope your Thanksgiving is sweet. Hugs, mar

Reply
karen
11/25/2015 01:23:03 pm

Happy Thanksgiving, Maria. What a beautiful story...well told and how true. Thanks for sharing.

Reply
Maria link
11/25/2015 07:47:29 pm

Happy Thanksgiving to you too, dear Karen.
Looking forward to seeing you soon.
Love, Maria

Reply
paula link
11/25/2015 01:45:42 pm

Your stories always leave me feeling happier, stronger & more at peace. Here's to "Moms" Miss Sammie especially.....who taught you so very much and help to mold the Maria we all love.
Wishing you and yours a bountiful, Yummy & Happy Day....as we call to mind all that we appreciate.....beginning with family & friends...Love & Hugs......STUFFING....I LOVE stuffing!! :) Paula

Reply
Maria link
11/25/2015 07:54:08 pm

Dear Paula,
Your heartfelt remarks mean so much to me. Thanks for the smiles you bring to my soul.
And I am a fool for stuffing too ~ so happy gobbling to us all.
Love ya, Maria

Reply
Peg Cole link
11/25/2015 02:33:55 pm

What gracious and wonderful thoughts to reflect on at this Thanksgiving time and always. Your related story about Italy and Holland rings so beautifully true to each of us who hoped for one thing and got another. It reminds me of the saying from the sixties, "Bloom where you are planted." Love you and hope you and yours have an enjoyable holiday filled with hope and love.

Reply
Maria link
11/25/2015 08:11:43 pm

"Bloom where you are planted."

I love that sentiment as well, dear Peg ~ appreciate your insights and supportive friendship.

Happy and peaceful Thanksgiving to you and family too. Love, Maria

Reply
Martie link
11/25/2015 06:06:00 pm

Dear Mar, I could almost hear your voice, so powerful is this post filled with beautiful memories of your mother. She had made a very-very deep impact on you. Today she is inside you, and you use not only your own senses, but also hers when you observe and interpret all things and people. This explains your wisdom and insight. When you talk about your mom I can feel her, with you, penetrating my mind and heart.

Beautiful, powerful thoughts about gratitude!

Reply
Martie
11/25/2015 06:09:47 pm

Let me be the first one to wish you a happy birthday on Friday, 27th :) May you have a wonderful day and only the best ahead.

Reply
Maria link
11/25/2015 08:15:50 pm

Dear Martie,
Your first comment is music to my ears ~ no greater compliment could you bestow on me.
And thanks for stopping back to remember my day. You are the sweetest Sista in the world.
Love you, mar

Reply
Pam
11/26/2015 06:16:13 am

This is a beautiful, personal story. Your mother was very special and she raised you well,

Reply
Maria link
11/29/2015 07:16:37 am

So good to see you, dear Pam ~ I think of you often and with fondness.
My mom was indeed the most special person in my world.
Wishing you a peaceful Christmas season. Love, Maria

Reply
Sannel link
11/26/2015 03:36:41 pm

Dear Maria, thank you for a powerful story. Just as your dear Mom said, "Things do happen for a reason" and we become stronger because of it. Sometimes events that occur in our lives, make us gain a greater focus and clarity on what our true mission and purpose is in life. :)

I am thankful for the joy and happiness you bring to my life. Wishing you, Geoff and Andy peace, love and happiness on this Thanksgiving Day! May you also have a most beautiful birthday tomorrow the 27th.
My love and hugs to you,
Sannel

Reply
Maria link
11/29/2015 07:20:47 am

Dear Sannel,
Your remarks are wise and intuitive ~ I know Mom would have loved your generous and kind heart, as I do.
I am having a lovely Thanksgiving and birthday weekend~ thanks to good friends like you.
Sending you hugs and peace today and everyday. Love, Maria

Reply
femmeflashpoint link
11/27/2015 09:38:21 am

Prof. Mahreer,

I hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving and spectacular birthday!

So much to be thankful for in every direction and more blessings than most of us could count.

I'm thankful your mama shared so much with you and that you're willing to share those things with us. She continues to be a blessing through you. :)

femme

Reply
Maria link
11/29/2015 07:28:41 am

Thanks, dear femme ~ I'm having a lovely Thanksgiving and birthday weekend ~ hoping you are enjoying some special days with family and friends too.
I know Mom would be humble, yet proud, that I share her life wisdoms in my writing.
Have a peaceful Sunday. Love, mar

Reply
Genna East
11/28/2015 11:24:25 am

I hope your Thanksgiving was one of peace, warmth and joy, dear Pollyanna. :-) Hugs.

Reply
Maria link
11/29/2015 07:30:21 am

It was, dear friend ~ Hoping Thanksgiving was peaceful and rejuvenating for you too...💙

Reply
Shauna
11/28/2015 05:07:52 pm

This is very inspiring, Mar. I don't know why, but I've never kept a journal. I guess the poetry I wrote when I was younger and into my 40's (hand-written in a notebook) were my therapy. Each one was written as the result of an emotion or something that was going on in my life. Now that I think about it, that's exactly what it was. An emotional journal of my growth into womanhood.

Reply
Maria link
11/29/2015 07:35:48 am

Dear Sha,

I totally agree ~ how special to be able to look back at your life journey through the feelings expressed in your poetry.

Wishing you a peaceful day. Love, mar

Reply



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    Marcoujor

    Welcome to my desk...

    I am a work in progress, so a rule of thumb is to expect the unexpected every week!

    Pull up a comfy chair and make yourself at home.

    Thank you,

    mar  



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