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  marcoujor's musings

mar's Desk

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marcoujor: On Being Different

12/6/2017

21 Comments

 
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​Mom had a reservoir of wisdom nuggets that she could pull out of her ‘Momma Toolbox’ as the need arose. Through the years these principles and ethics remained consistent.

In my childhood years, I remember Mom reinforcing: “What a boring world it would be if we were all the same. Being different is okay - it’s to be celebrated.”
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 Mom’s childhood years were spent in the rural South - Washington GA to be exact. Her parents were loving and old - fashioned. In Mom’s words, they ‘came from a different generation’ - where women were expected to fit a certain mold.

Mom was the middle daughter - with a total of five Hinton sisters. Of all the family, Mom dared to be different. She left her hometown heading to new territory - Norristown PA to be exact - marrying my Dad and showing all of us that molds are for Jello… !!

There were geographical and cultural expectations as to where we would attend grade school. Mom bypassed the school where being of Italian - American descent was a requirement for school and church attendance.  Mind you, the Couchara family fit this criteria. We are about as Italian - American as it gets.

Instead our chosen grade school and church embraced and welcomed families with a wide variety of cultural backgrounds. Mom’s words rang true so many times as I witnessed and interacted with friends of all colors and ethnicities.

Mom was proud as a peacock when her children went to college. Mom was especially proud  of me and my sister - as this was not her reality - even after she graduated with the highest GPA in high school and the offer of a full college scholarship.

Before getting married in 1987, I had several talks with Mom - including my asking her feelings on couples who choose not to have children.

Mom reminded me of the clear distinction between those who choose not to have children and those who cannot bear children naturally for a variety of medical reasons.   

Mom told me that I would always be maternal with the animals, the patients and the students who would cross my path. Mom reminded me that personal happiness and fulfillment was the ultimate marker of success.

“What a boring world it would be if we were all the same. Being different is OK - it’s to be celebrated.”

Mom continues to be the wisest person I’ve known. I’m ever grateful for the number of heart to heart conversations we had over the years.

I regret that my great-nephews and great-nieces do not have the direct benefit of her candor and views in their formative years.


I am asking Santa Claus to be excessively generous in spreading tolerance and respect in his travels - along with the obligatory material gifts that are ‘present’ during this holiday season.

This song has been stuck in my mental soundtrack since Thanksgiving… yes, Virginia, there is even meaning in the introductory dialogue between David Bowie and Bing Crosby:​

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​ShoutOuts

☙ Why do we celebrate birthdays? Via Martie’s Foyer
☙ How To Make Every Dollar Count! Via WarnerWords

​Until next week, dare to be different and sprinkle some tolerance around you, mar
21 Comments
Lesley Pickthorne
12/6/2017 07:35:52 am

Hi Maria, my favourite song of all time. A beautiful read, I still remember a hubpages article you wrote about your Mum, I think it was called The scent of my mother still, it touched my heart, sending much love your way. X

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Barbara Jones
12/6/2017 04:42:29 pm

Just lovely. The voices of Bing and David Bowie blended so perfectly. I could not help but play it many times over.

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Maria link
12/7/2017 07:24:36 am

Lesley, Thanks for reminding me of one of my favorite poems about Mom - so glad this post touched you. Great to see you here!

Barbara, Looks like we all love this song and the message behind it...have a peaceful weekend and see you Monday.

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Sageleaf link
12/6/2017 08:16:13 am

Sweet Maria! I had to read your post and comment. I should be getting ready for work. lol. But this is how much I love you!
This post strikes a chord with me. Due to my background, and due in part to medical reasons, along with a maternal instinct that developed for animals and not for human kids, we decided to not have kids. I had a miscarriage (after telling EVERYONE) back in 2011...and right before that my brother had been killed in a car accident and my beloved kitty died the same weekend I found out I was miscarrying...in combination with thinking about climate change and the traumas my own family has gone through, I thought it best to elect to have a little peace in my life and bring home shelter animals...and not human ones. LOL.
I work at a school and have worked with kids since 2005, but I always enjoy watching them go home to parents at the end of the day, too. lol. Kids are great. They're just not for me.
And as I get older, I'm finding that I actually like not teaching anymore and doing digital marketing. I get to be creative, I'm challenged, and I get to connect with people in my own way. I love this.
So I wanted to comment because I found the wisdom of your mother to be particularly poignant and fitting for me, too. Thank you so much for sharing this and thank you for your beautiful honesty.
I've been toying with writing a post about this for some time...perhaps I will. :)
Sending you big hugs, sweet friend! xoxo

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Maria link
12/7/2017 07:36:22 am

Dear Cynthia,

Thanks for this sharing comment - the more I learn about you, the more I love you.

Although I'm a couple decades older than you, we seem to have been 'cut from the same cloth'.

Thank you for so eloquently expressing / showing us the nurturing side of motherhood.

Love you and big hugs too, Maria

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Mike
12/6/2017 10:00:52 am

Hello mar - Your Mother certainly left an impression on you. You have filled your life with career, and surrounded yourself with loving fur babies, as you refer to them. There is an old expression, 'if it works, don't fix it.' So, there you go, all the wisdom I can muster at this early hour.

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Maria link
12/7/2017 08:06:23 am

Love your wisdom, dear Mike - thank you for your visit, especially at such an early hour ... :)

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Vicki link
12/6/2017 10:52:50 am

Dear Maria,

I totally agree with your mother, and also with sageleaf. It would be such a boring world if we were all the same. The way the "global village" is functioning these days, I'd be very reluctant to introduce more innocent little babes into it!

Children are not the be all and end all of everything. There are so many other areas in life to focus on, and enjoy. I adore my child and grandchildren.

However I would completely understand if the latter chose not to have children, with the incredible complications of nutty politicians making the rules, technology making a universal craziness, rampant family break ups, and new fangled drugs decimating young folks.

You have chosen what many folks wish they had - being able to love your fur babies, plus other children that cross your path, and lots of other humans too. Who can argue with that?!

Thanks for the shoutout, as always dear Sista,

Love and hugs,
Vickster


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Maria link
12/7/2017 08:19:45 am

Dear Vickster,

I appreciate your comments and wisdom so much, as you have a beautiful daughter and granddaughter.

I have told you on numerous occasions how much you remind me of my Momma. Your remarks here could have easily been spoken by Mom as well.

I cannot tell you how many times Geoff or I have been questioned about our decision - sometimes politely, sometimes quite the opposite. My first thought is WWMD?

Love these remarks and you even more, mareer

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Peg link
12/6/2017 11:33:39 am

It is a blessing to have a mother whose wisdom spans the ages. She truly did have a gift of saying the things that would comfort you and guide you even after she went on to the next life.
What you've shared about having children is something that many of us in the business world struggled with as we climbed the ladder one step at a time. Some choose the decision and others have it chosen for them for whatever reason they are not blessed with human offspring.
Our fur babies give so much comfort and love, thankfully, and we can use our mothering instincts to guide and share knowledge with others as you often do. Hugs and love to you and yours.

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Maria link
12/7/2017 08:22:22 am

Dear Peg,

Your comment is a beautiful reminder that we are indeed SFAM.

When it comes to the nurturing / maternal scale, YOU are off the charts.

Love you and your beautiful heart. Hugs, Maria

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Shauna
12/6/2017 12:24:05 pm

Mar, your mom was a woman who knew and believed in herself, despite what the mores of her time dictated. You couldn't ask for a better role model.

I love your closing video. This Bowie/Crosby duet is one of my favorites.

Peace to you, my friend!

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Maria link
12/7/2017 08:26:33 am

Indeed, dear Sha - Mom was the best role model a gal could have asked for.

Thanks for your visit. Hoping you are doing well as this holiday season starts to rev up.

Love and hugs, mar

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Martie link
12/6/2017 05:51:10 pm

Dear Mar

"Molds are for Jello…" - Now this made me laugh out loud. Here's to Miss Sammy - a dream of a mother.

Because you don't have two-legged children Mar, many benefited - and still do - from your love and affection. You must have noticed that children are extremely demanding; they tend to exhaust the love and patience of their parents, leaving their parents with nothing, or very little, to give to others.

You were born wise, and Miss Sammy encouraged you to use your wisdom wisely.

Hugs,

Martie

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Maria link
12/7/2017 08:34:13 am

Thank you for catching my 'Jello mold' reference, dear Sista.

Actually I 'have' noticed the way some children behave today.

Can you hear what I'm saying through my silence ... :(

Mom would LOVE your remarks - I know I do! Hugs back, mar

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Rich Rumple
12/7/2017 03:00:35 am

Hey, Sis, well done as always. One of the greatest losses I've endured in life was losing my mother the Fall of my thirteenth year. She'd been my "rock" in the support and love arenas, and the one parent I could always count on to be there for me. Even though she left me alone at such an early age, she'd prepared me well to tackle life. One of her comments was, "You never want to be like the others. Always do your best to be unique." I probably took her words too much to heart and did exactly that. This was to the chagrin of my family at times as my refusal to be one of the sheep at work probably did little to protect my longevity there. Still, I had to be me and made minimal compromises to things I felt would cause me to lose my identity. We are all products of what we were taught and decided to accept and cherish or cast away. My mother, though absent, was always there within me, and I'm glad she was. The things I've done in my life, be they called fool hearty and dangerous by some, continued to prove that I wasn't about to follow the norm and be the person that told their great grandchildren, "I wish I'd have done that", but to be the one that could sit with them and say, "This is what it's like to do that." Being a risk taker, be it by sky diving, performing stand-up, hunting and collecting venomous reptiles for venom extractions, taking a high performance driving course at age 51, or entering the writing world at a late age, has given me adrenaline rushes and a status among my high school peers that none of them match. My ego is satisfied, my confidence level high, and if nothing else, I've proven to my kids that if you want something you have to take the risks to succeed at it. I know my mother is looking down at me and shaking her head, wishing at times she'd have maybe rephrasing her statement to me, but at the same time, hiding the smile I've brought to her face. Good mothers are hard to find ... luckily, you and I were blessed with them.

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Maria link
12/7/2017 08:50:08 am

Dear Rich,

You surely are my BFAM...as I read your sharing comment, I can see my Momma shaking her head while smiling at the 'free expression antics of my brothers (OK, a few times in my direction too)'.

I can say with 1000% certainty that your parents did a gorgeous job in raising you to be the adorably adventurous man you are today!

Reply
Angelia S. Phillips link
12/12/2017 02:01:22 pm

Prof. Mahreer,

I'm grinning over the "dare to be different" line. I don't know that I ever had a choice. I always seemed to stand out, in either a good way or a bad way, lol.

Hopefully, time has lessened the latter.

Your mama's wisdom is timeless, girlfriend. I love seeing it continue to circulate and made available to old and new friends and additional generations.

This vid clip is one of my favorites and another example of why I'm a techno-hound. Were it not for tech, gems like this wouldn't be so easily shared and enjoyed.

Angelia



Reply
Maria link
12/15/2017 09:13:19 am

Thank you for this sweet comment, dear Angelia.

I'm not sure I had the choice either - and I'm thinking we both turned out 'just fine if not better'... :)

Glad you love this favorite holiday song as much as I do.

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Sannel link
12/19/2017 02:56:54 pm

Dear Maria,

Sorry for my very late reply. Yet, I have been here from the very first day you posted it. Somehow, it was a difficult subject to comment on. But, I'm ready now! :)
Whatever choices we made, or did not make, it doesn't really matter at all. What matters are that we are the ones that we are meant to be from the beginning. I truly believe that it was meant for me to be a dog, cat, any kind of animal mommy. You know me, any fur baby, I'm in love, haha!

Please, remember that your great-nephews and great-nieces do have the direct benefit of your dear Mom and her candor views in the shape of you, their beloved auntie. After all, you're the offspring of Aunt Sammie and her wonderful wisdom, and you will bring that wisdom into the next generation.
Loved the choice of music with those legendary musicians. Miss them both! Thank you for a most wonderful post, my friend.
Love and hugs to you,
Sannel

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Maria link
12/25/2017 07:04:03 am

Merry Christmas, dear Sannel and Freddie.

Your thoughtful comment is most appreciated. I believe we were both meant to be animal Mommies and that still feels right to me, even after all these years.

Love you both and enjoy this magical day, Maria

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    Marcoujor

    Welcome to my desk...

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    mar  



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