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  marcoujor's musings

mar's Desk

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marcoujor: secrets of surviving the season

12/6/2013

14 Comments

 
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It's that time again, gentle friends and readers. Unless you are living in a cave, it's hard not to get at least a taste, if not a deluge, of holiday madness when you step out of your home.
 
What are your thoughts, deep down? It's fine to think about your answers but I welcome any thoughts you wish to share, for catharsis or support to us all.
 
Quite honestly, the season starting around Thanksgiving and culminating in the New Year celebrations has not had the magic for me since Mom died in 2010. I had always been Mom's little girl and now I was the grown up, searching for a balance of tradition and self preservation.  
 
Joyous announcements such as engagements, setting wedding dates and birth news are mingled at family dinner tables surrounded by separations, divorce and recent loss. For me, the holiday season is an ebb and flow, collectively the bittersweet. 

Nevertheless, I have developed some survival strategies that help me keep the true holiday spirit alive all year.  

Listen to your elders ...

I always got the same reaction. No matter what I gave Dad for a gift: "All I really need are your prayers." 

No matter what I gave Mom: "You are entirely too generous. I appreciate the time we spend together all year."
 
For the record, I finally understand what they meant. 
 
Now, thanks to Dad, I offer my thoughts and prayers freely all year round. For that person who has everything, one cannot have enough prayers and positive thoughts from someone who cares.
 
I frequently send Mass Cards that represent prayers from the Sisters of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. 
 
My intimate core of family and friends have a year-long pass to the gift of my time. Parental example and life experiences have taught me the value of the here and now. Tomorrow is not promised.
 
I recognize an inherent fixer in myself. I listen carefully to see what is needed. Time after time, I am reminded of Mom's wisdom. 
 
Family and friends most need to feel comfortable sharing with an empathic, trusting and loving ear.
 

Creative gifting does not have to break the bank

Shopping for kids and elders has taught me this concept. The monetary value of something pales in comparison to the thoughtfulness, individuality and heart that is placed in gift selection.
 
I give gifts that  keep memories and legacies alive whenever possible for a myriad of reasons. Examples over the years include: 
 
Special photographs 
 
As time has passed, I have come to treasure pictures more and more. Whether framed, made into a simple photo album, tucked in a greeting card or sent on the Internet, the recipient will cherish pictures of their loved ones and pets. 
  
Scrapbooks / Journals
 
Along with those special pictures, memories become even more interactive in a scrapbook, journal or treasure box. I have given blank journals as gifts though my life. The ones I now cherish are Mom's, as I can keep her words of wisdom alive forever. 
 
Fill the scrapbook or treasure box with ticket stubs, postcards and other small items that tell you about the individual. In small books I made for each member of my family, I included some of Mom's favorite quotes and actual pieces of her writing. I even included Mom's Casino cards to remind everyone of her love of Atlantic City slot machines. I had just enough cards for each of the 13 books I made btw ... ! 
 
Special recipes 
 
Most of us have at least one specialty for which we are locally famous. These are the staples of the season for me, as I love to see traditions and skills passed through the generations.
 
I am recruiting a youngster in the family to learn my knack for peanut brittle. My brother and I do our best to make Mom's southern fudge recipe and her mouth-watering butter ball cookies each year.
 
Don't underestimate the sentimentality of these gifts. My brittle was missed when I took off last year due to family illness. 
 
Your talent
 
I have always enjoyed the therapy and peace derived from an enjoyable hobby. Cross-stitch, beaded jewelry and scrapbooks / note cards are some examples of crafts I tend to give as gifts.
 
I appreciate receiving gifts that are handcrafted by family and friends as well. Mom made us heavy, warm and comforting blankets in beautiful crochet patterns.  I have given handmade cross-stitch and jewelry gifts to others. This year a rubber band bracelet, which my trendy 10-year-old friend loomed, with glittery pink, orange and black tone was a sure favorite. 
    
Books (by me)
 
I wrote Kylie's Blossoms to honor my Mom and her namesake, my great niece Kylie Samantha. 
 
I have dedicated my published fiction and non-fiction writing to special people and causes in my life, including those suffering with mental illness and the issue of homelessness, especially with the military veteran population.
 
My writing led to a phenomenal collaboration with Angelia Phillips, and the rest of the Legacy Scribes and Contributors in the Mysterious & Miraculous Book series project. I am proud to offer my continued services to our all-volunteer team as editor and collector of future stories.  
 
It brings me joy to share the gift of my writing, whether published or very personal.  Consider the art and beauty of your own hand-written letters for the special people on your list. Tell them directly why they are special in your life and what makes them stand out in a crowd.

The more I give of myself, the better/happier/more peaceful I feel

I know I will always miss Mom. I am comforted in that I can keep her memory alive in ways that are very private to me.
 
Mom was spontaneous in the generosity of her time, talents and gifts. She was my first role model of a volunteer from the heart, with her church and school - related activities. She brought her love of learning and reading to our grade school by her work in the 'Great Books' program.
 
With Mom's example and my nursing experiences in the community, I am grounded with perspective.  
 
I understand devastation on every level for the homeless.  I can put real faces on this issue that is the complete antithesis a season now associated with excessive giving.
 
In this year's  Christmas letter (spoiler alert) to my friends, I have written:
Instead of a Christmas card, I am sending you several of my simple homemade cards. Hoping you brighten someone's day when they least expect it with a handwritten note. 
 
I am also going to send you a copy of Mysterious & Miraculous Book 2 via an Amazon gift card on / about December 15th. Let me know if I can send you a copy of MMB1 instead.
 
If you intended to send me a card or a small gift, I would be honored if you would instead purchase a gift copy. Even lovelier if you sent the book to a Retired Veteran as a thank you for their service to our country. Active Vets can get a free copy.  Ask me and I will point you in the right direction.
 
Think about donating a coat / warm clothing you no longer wear to your local Church or homeless agency.
 
Blessed, peaceful and healthy 2014 to you.


With love,


Maria 
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"Examine your own motivations and behavior, and be honest about your part in all of this.  To some degree, we have brought this situation upon ourselves by buying into it.  It's worth making some changes so that we can enjoy ourselves even more - after all, the Christmas season was not supposed to be merely endured."

Bradley Trevor Grieve, Author of Every Day is Christmas 
As we continue moving into the final holidays of 2013,  I hope your days of holiday preparation are filled with the joy and fun that beautiful memories are made from.

Love and peace from my home to yours ...

mar
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Here's an added dash of Christmas cheer from the lovely Aunt Baby.
14 Comments
Vicki
12/6/2013 02:09:30 pm

Maria, what a beautiful,seasonal article. We think and do things in such a similar way it is almost scary! There is no doubt that losses we experience and see others undergo have the effect of changing our outlook on the importance of things in life forever. My greatest regret on reading this thoughtful, sweet article is that I cannot sit with you at that table of yours. Aunt Baby is so photogenic and obviously loves being in the limelight. What a sweet dog.
Thank you for this sharing, and your lovely ideas for gifts.

Reply
marcoujor link
12/7/2013 08:49:08 am

Dear Vicki,

I appreciate and smile at your comment, as I also feel as though we have much in common. Thank you, dear friend and hope you are having a peaceful weekend. Love, Maria

Reply
Kimmie
12/6/2013 02:36:49 pm

What a blessing to know you! This was such a wonderful blog post! It touched me so deeply. I have decided after this holiday to journal some things through out the year and make one Christmas letter with some special pictures....

I have to admit I have felt over whelmed this Christmas. It seemed to sneak up on me and I was not ready.

I felt like I would feel better by serving out food in a soup kitchen or something of that nature verses all the hoopla that seemed to be surrounding me at every turn..

I really did not have my heart into this Christmas season this year.

I am happy to say I have had a change of heart. I am looking at this holiday as if it was my last. Someone I hold dear may never grace my door again so I must enjoy their presence now. I must give them all my love whole kindheartedly. This will be my gift to them and myself this Christmas and throughout the year.

By doing this...I will take my eyes off myself and savor the joys of this Christmas season. I want to walk with a spirit of thankfulness.

I love all your ideas and will surely use them too.

Sending much love your way. You are an amazing woman, friend, writer, daughter, wife, and human being.
Love,
Kimmie

Reply
marcoujor link
12/7/2013 08:52:33 am

Dear Kimmie,
Thank you for this heartfelt and honest response. I had many of these feelings last Christmas, with Geoff's sister being so sick.
Thinking of you and sending you a huge hug...rest well after your tumble and be good to yourself. Love, Maria

Reply
Martie Coetser link
12/6/2013 07:47:19 pm

My dearest Maria, you are indeed the most generious woman I know - with your time, advice, support, gifts, empathy and compassion. I consider myself being privileged to have you as my closest online friend - I am gaining so much, and especially when it comes to moral and emotional support.

I loved the brittle you've sent me some months ago, and all the special cards and books - all of it so special and saved in a special album.

This blog is solid fruit for thought :)

Love you, Mar!

Reply
marcoujor link
12/7/2013 08:56:50 am

Oh Martie,
You are generous in return with ongoing emotional and moral support, more treasured than you may even realize.
Thinking of you this week as we mourn the loss of Nelson Mandela along with you in SA. Love you much, mar

Reply
Shauna Bowling link
12/7/2013 12:26:04 am

Maria, you have epitomized what the Christmas spirit was meant to be and what it should be. Commercialism and the pressure to buy, buy buy has spoiled the meaning of Christmas. Your gift ideas are perfect. They are personal and will bring happy thoughts for a lifetime.

Thank you for you, sweet Maria!

Reply
marcoujor link
12/7/2013 08:59:15 am

Dearest Sha,
Yes, commercialism is the word that can take the joy out of the season in a heartbeat. I am not surprised we feel the same way about the true meaning of Christmas. Love, Maria

Reply
Mike
12/7/2013 04:30:43 am

You certainly have outlined a clear path to the joy of the season. The personal touch of giving crafts that both you have taken the time to create and brought you joy will surely bring joy to those you honor with time. The season is upon us and this wisdom needs to be spread far and wide. I have passed this on.

Mysterious & Miraculous II supports a wonderful cause and those that participated all did a stellar job.

Reply
marcoujor link
12/7/2013 09:01:52 am

Dear Mike,
Thanks for your visit and words of holiday cheer. You have been an amazing force in the Mysterious and Miraculous project...what a joy to work with you again. Hope you have a festive Saturday!

Reply
femmeflashpoint link
12/13/2013 12:09:40 pm

Mar,

Forgive me for mind-slippage, lol. I arrive, situate and then forget to return, refresh and drop you a note in the mailbox!

I loved your list of gifting options, and not because of bank-breakage but because of personalization, consideration and effort that goes into them.

It's also always fascinating to me when others share their histories of how celebrations were observed, and what aspects of the celebration were most important to them and why.

Awesome post, Mar. It made me smile and brought on a bunch of my own memories of Christmas past. Really good ones.

Please tell Aunt Baby she's looking ravishing as usual!

femme

Reply
marcoujor link
12/15/2013 11:53:42 am

Dear femme,

Aunt Baby says HI and thanks! You never need apologize as you are involved with my posts from the ground up, dear friend!

Hope you are enjoying the season and many hugs, mar

Reply
Gail Sobotkin link
12/15/2013 05:06:40 am

Dear Maria,
Don't know how I missed this, but am glad I found it today through reading Kylie's Big Day-- a lovely intro/background/companion story to Kylie's Blossoms. I clicked on the link to Marcoujor's Musings at the end of it and wound up here.
As you know, I have already received your most thoughtful Christmas gifts and could feel the love that you put into the beautiful cards and package.
You give so many meaningful gifts to your friends, and the world, through your thoughtfulness, compassion, kindness, talents and writing, and I feel so blessed to be one of your many friends.
You embody the spirit of Christmas through the way you live your life on a daily basis and are such an inspiration and light to those who love and admire you, myself included.
Sending You a Bouquet of Love & Hugs,
Gail

Reply
marcoujor link
12/15/2013 12:00:18 pm

dear Gail,

You have the sweetest heart and I am so grateful that we are friends.

Thank you for supporting my writing and my website from the bottom of my heart. Hope you are having a cozy and peaceful weekend.

Love and hugs, Maria

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    Marcoujor

    Welcome to my desk...

    I am a work in progress, so a rule of thumb is to expect the unexpected every week!

    Pull up a comfy chair and make yourself at home.

    Thank you,

    mar  



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