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mar's Desk

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marcoujor: The Healing Nature of Time

5/6/2015

22 Comments

 
Picturemarcoujor
I yearned to have one day when I did not think about the worst 46 hours of my life, in June, 1999 when I was held hostage with a co-worker in a workplace incident.                    
                                             
For years, I handled myself fairly well, on the surface.  Those in my immediate 
circle knew how easily I startled at any noise sounding like a gunshot.  I shied 
away from violent movies and television shows, even the discussion of violence 
disturbed me.  Both crowded scenes and tight, enclosed spaces were avoided as 
much as possible.

I had difficulty sleeping, experiencing frequent and intrusive nightmares.  During the day, I had  an aversion to anyone who remotely looked or behaved like the perpetrator.  Heaven forbid, if he had the same first name!  I even had difficulty driving  past the expansive hospital where I worked, which, at the time was less than a  mile from my home. 

These signs and symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have subsided. While I’ll never forget the incident, I remain grateful that time allows continued opportunities for healing. 

I have been honored, to date, to have presented three Forgiveness talks to students, in a Theology elective.  I speak about the healing power of forgiveness for me.
 
 When I last spoke for the Instructor, I was asked when I was able to actually let go and forget for a while?  It dawned on  me, that Mom's death was the first time that  I realigned my priorities to their rightful place. I was able to completely  focus on my family and forget about the events initiated by a madman.

Picture
My Mother's sudden death has had the most profound  impact of anything in my life. So unexpected!  I now appreciate that death does not send a calling card. 

Ironically, I remember Mom telling me she would "not have gotten over it if I hadn't made it in 1999".  In some odd way, this  has given me the strength, despite her loss, to keep going.
 
With Mom's death, now five years ago on May 7th,  I have freed myself of the pain and self-imposed guilt from 1999. I know she left me words in her Journal that "my worst days were behind me and to be happy."

Today, 16 years later, I work as an Instructor on the same grounds preparing students, some even with the same name as the perpetrator, to be amazing nurses to take over for me one day - but not too soon…! And I am sure on some level Mom knows I’m very happy in my work… ☺

Picture
"LEARN TO WISH THAT EVERYTHING SHOULD COME TO PASS EXACTLY AS IT DOES."
EPICTETUS, GREECE


This is a song that gives me pause every time I hear it...and I thought I’d share it with you:
by The Flaming Lips: “Do You Realize?”

Before you go...

Please enjoy the latest posts circulating in the Weeblyhood.

  • Move Over Anna's - The Rufous's are back! via WarnerWords

  • Flight of the Earls (Heirs of Ireland Book I) by Michael K. Reynolds via flashPress

And today, my wish for you, dear friends, is to let go of your burdens, if only for a little while...please be good and gentle with yourself today and always.

 Peace, mar


22 Comments
paula link
5/6/2015 12:35:30 am

Maria......Your words have touched me this morning, in the heartfelt way you describe how "Loss" can literally crush us, change us forever and bring us up. Admittedly I have the first 2 down to a lifestyle. God knows why He brought us together and your purpose may well have just begun. Love you girl. Peace, Paula

Reply
Maria link
5/6/2015 11:54:04 pm

Dear Paula,
I try not to question 'why' these days. I sure am happy that we are together - as I love you with my heart. Peace to you too, Maria

Reply
Shauna
5/6/2015 02:09:05 am

Mar, you are a true inspiration. To have found strength from your personal tragedies is amazing in itself. Obviously, it was not your time to go. You now teach and give hope to your students. You've learned and passed on the art of forgiveness. That's something that is very hard for humans to grasp. You've created life from loss. And Miss Sammie is always in your heart guiding the way.

Reply
Maria link
5/6/2015 11:55:39 pm

Dear Sha,
Your words are so kind. I hope you know how much I treasure you, my true blue. Love you and hugs, mar

Reply
Gail Sobotkin
5/6/2015 02:13:13 am

Dear Maria,
I've been thinking about you as the anniversary date of your beloved Mother's death approaches and was touched and inspired to read this heartfelt self-assessment of where you were in 1999, vs. how you are today.
You inspire me because you are so open and sharing in about the effects PTSD had on you because your journey is a message of hope for others dealing with this syndrome, and because you are such a great teacher touching so many students who will be able to help others throughout their careers.
Sending Love, Hugs & Blessings Your Way,
Gail

Reply
Maria link
5/7/2015 12:07:11 am

Dear Gail,
I have felt and treasured your support and it's appreciated more than you know. Your friendship gives me strength and inspiration as well.
Love you very much and hugs to you and Fred, Maria

Reply
Vickster
5/6/2015 03:26:11 am

Dear Mareer,
This is a beautiful realization of what we should all keep in mind. I don't keep things to give at Christmas time. I give them at any time, because I know how fleeting life can be, and how suddenly it all can cease to be. As you say, it's a life changer, attitude wise.
Youre a wonderful inspiration on this day. Thank you.
Love and hugs,

Reply
Maria link
5/7/2015 12:09:34 am

Dear Vicki,
Thanks for your visit and wise words. You truly know that 'tomorrow isn't promised'. I treasure your friendship very much.
Love you and hugs, mareer

Reply
femmeflashpoint link
5/6/2015 03:36:57 am

Dear Mar,

As Gayle mentioned, I too am happy you're sharing your experience with PTSD. You've faced it in helping your own patients work through it, and worked through your own PTSD episodes.

Your literature is a representation that there is healing to be had and happiness can still be found on the other side of heartache.

femme

Reply
Maria link
5/7/2015 12:15:03 am

Dear femme,

Thanks for your insightful remarks...

I remember in my healing process deciding that I wanted to 'survive AND thrive' from the incident. If we work on resiliency, we can,"in ways", become even stronger than we were before the injury, trauma, event, etc...

Love you and thanks for all you do - you are appreciated, mar

Reply
Mike
5/6/2015 06:50:40 am

You certainly have taught a lot of us about strength, courage and perseverance as you push forward and take on the task of teaching others as well. You have sorted through the past and focused on what brought comfort rather than pain.

Reply
Maria link
5/7/2015 12:16:25 am

Thanks, dear Mike. Your feedback means the world to me.

Reply
Theresa
5/6/2015 07:42:50 am

Oh, my darling Maria, you have been in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your heart here. Knowing a mother's heart and grandmother's heart, as I am one, I can completely understand Miss Sammie's statement. You are still here for a reason and we all know why ...for you are now living the why. (((Hugs))) and much love coming your way, Theresa

Reply
Maria link
5/7/2015 12:19:12 am

Sweet T,

I know one of the reasons I am still here is to have met wonderful friends such as you. Thanks for being such a special part of my world.

Love you with my heart and hugs to you, Maria

Reply
Peg link
5/6/2015 10:58:53 am

Beautiful, heartfelt thoughts, sweetly expressed and a true reminder of how short our lives really are. I'm sure your Momma is proud of you everyday. I loved the song, something I'd never heard before...The elephant in the room. ♥
Love you, Peg

Reply
Maria link
5/7/2015 12:23:12 am

Sweet and wise Peg,

I knew you would pick up on 'the elephant in the room' - as well as the power in this poignant song. How I treasure you and your supportive friendship.

Love you so much. Promise to hug those beautiful ladies from 'me' over the next few days, Maria

Reply
Martie link
5/6/2015 11:35:11 am

Dearest Maria, it is already the 7th down here, and I will be thinking of you throughout the day.

I remember my father's sudden death at the age of 54, and I remember looking death in the eyes when I was 13 years old and kidnapped by, I thought, the devil himself, so this post of yours hits home. Today, many years later, the emotions I have experienced during those traumas can be triggered by the merest.

Yes, one learn how to live with these bad memories, like one learns how to live with open wounds. Just keep them covered and don't allow anyone to touch them, is but all we can do.

Thank you for being such a soul mate, a pillar of strength and the perfect role model.

Love you lots!

Reply
Maria link
5/7/2015 12:40:02 am

Dear Martie,

I know from 'talking' with you that you love your father as I love my mother. Not a day goes by that we are not thinking of them in some special way.

I believe these 'anniversary' days will always be a day of remembrance. You were so young when you lost your dad - wow.

A beautiful thing I'm learning in Gestalt is our capacity to be our own parents - to assume those positive characteristics / traits of both of our parents so that we are always able to nurture ourselves. Now I understand when I say: "OMG, I am sounding like my mother." (LOL)

Sooooooooo, in knowing you as well as I do, I am thinking your Daddy was a super cool guy, cuz you sure are cool...!!!

And as far as that "soul mate, pillar of strength and role model", please look up the word "projection" in the dictionary...(LOL) and THANK YOU...! Love you lots too, mar

Reply
kimmie
5/6/2015 12:02:34 pm

Dearest Mar this is such a timely post for me. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Love you
Kimmie

Reply
Maria link
5/7/2015 12:44:17 am

Sweet Kimmie,

I will be thinking of you and Roy this Mother's Day weekend. I send you love, peace and inner strength. You have a special angel smiling on you too. Thanks for taking the time to stop by.

Love you both and gentle hugs, mar

Reply
Sunshine
5/6/2015 03:16:36 pm

Mother's Day for motherless daughters and sons is always difficult. Your words helped ease the ache. Thank you MM.

Reply
Maria link
5/7/2015 12:47:33 am

I imagine there has to be a heckuva shindig going on in heaven with our special Mommas, Sunshine.

I am sending you hugs and smiles and reminding YOU that you are a pretty special Mom (and Grandmom) in your own right, alright... :)

Reply



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    Marcoujor

    Welcome to my desk...

    I am a work in progress, so a rule of thumb is to expect the unexpected every week!

    Pull up a comfy chair and make yourself at home.

    Thank you,

    mar  



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  • Home
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    • Kylie's Stories
    • Other books by Maria Jordan >
      • Mysterious & Miraculous Book I - News and Reviews
  • BLOGS
    • mar's Desk
    • Inspiration Station
    • Poetic Ponderings
    • marcoujor on Hubpages
  • I Recommend...
  • Contact Me