![]() I yearned to have one day when I did not think about the worst 46 hours of my life, in June, 1999 when I was held hostage with a co-worker in a workplace incident. For years, I handled myself fairly well, on the surface. Those in my immediate circle knew how easily I startled at any noise sounding like a gunshot. I shied away from violent movies and television shows, even the discussion of violence disturbed me. Both crowded scenes and tight, enclosed spaces were avoided as much as possible. I had difficulty sleeping, experiencing frequent and intrusive nightmares. During the day, I had an aversion to anyone who remotely looked or behaved like the perpetrator. Heaven forbid, if he had the same first name! I even had difficulty driving past the expansive hospital where I worked, which, at the time was less than a mile from my home. These signs and symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder have subsided. While I’ll never forget the incident, I remain grateful that time allows continued opportunities for healing. I have been honored, to date, to have presented three Forgiveness talks to students, in a Theology elective. I speak about the healing power of forgiveness for me. When I last spoke for the Instructor, I was asked when I was able to actually let go and forget for a while? It dawned on me, that Mom's death was the first time that I realigned my priorities to their rightful place. I was able to completely focus on my family and forget about the events initiated by a madman. My Mother's sudden death has had the most profound impact of anything in my life. So unexpected! I now appreciate that death does not send a calling card. Ironically, I remember Mom telling me she would "not have gotten over it if I hadn't made it in 1999". In some odd way, this has given me the strength, despite her loss, to keep going. With Mom's death, now five years ago on May 7th, I have freed myself of the pain and self-imposed guilt from 1999. I know she left me words in her Journal that "my worst days were behind me and to be happy." Today, 16 years later, I work as an Instructor on the same grounds preparing students, some even with the same name as the perpetrator, to be amazing nurses to take over for me one day - but not too soon…! And I am sure on some level Mom knows I’m very happy in my work… ☺ "LEARN TO WISH THAT EVERYTHING SHOULD COME TO PASS EXACTLY AS IT DOES." This is a song that gives me pause every time I hear it...and I thought I’d share it with you: by The Flaming Lips: “Do You Realize?” Before you go...Please enjoy the latest posts circulating in the Weeblyhood.
And today, my wish for you, dear friends, is to let go of your burdens, if only for a little while...please be good and gentle with yourself today and always. Peace, mar
22 Comments
Maria......Your words have touched me this morning, in the heartfelt way you describe how "Loss" can literally crush us, change us forever and bring us up. Admittedly I have the first 2 down to a lifestyle. God knows why He brought us together and your purpose may well have just begun. Love you girl. Peace, Paula
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Shauna
5/6/2015 02:09:05 am
Mar, you are a true inspiration. To have found strength from your personal tragedies is amazing in itself. Obviously, it was not your time to go. You now teach and give hope to your students. You've learned and passed on the art of forgiveness. That's something that is very hard for humans to grasp. You've created life from loss. And Miss Sammie is always in your heart guiding the way.
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Gail Sobotkin
5/6/2015 02:13:13 am
Dear Maria,
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Vickster
5/6/2015 03:26:11 am
Dear Mareer,
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5/6/2015 03:36:57 am
Dear Mar,
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Dear femme,
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Mike
5/6/2015 06:50:40 am
You certainly have taught a lot of us about strength, courage and perseverance as you push forward and take on the task of teaching others as well. You have sorted through the past and focused on what brought comfort rather than pain.
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Theresa
5/6/2015 07:42:50 am
Oh, my darling Maria, you have been in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your heart here. Knowing a mother's heart and grandmother's heart, as I am one, I can completely understand Miss Sammie's statement. You are still here for a reason and we all know why ...for you are now living the why. (((Hugs))) and much love coming your way, Theresa
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Sweet and wise Peg,
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Dearest Maria, it is already the 7th down here, and I will be thinking of you throughout the day.
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Dear Martie,
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kimmie
5/6/2015 12:02:34 pm
Dearest Mar this is such a timely post for me. Thank you for sharing your heart.
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Sunshine
5/6/2015 03:16:36 pm
Mother's Day for motherless daughters and sons is always difficult. Your words helped ease the ache. Thank you MM.
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