![]() Growing up with Vanity.... Vanity is defined as taking great pride in one's appearance and accomplishments. A synonym for vanity is conceit. For most of my life, I have been a perfectionist. To me, this is the equivalent of taking great pride in my appearance and accomplishments. I went to grade school in the 1960s - 1970s. My classmate, Melissa, stood out to me. Today, she would very much have reminded me of Jon Bonet. Melissa was a natural beauty, not terribly smart. I had never seen a young girl wearing nylon stockings, full make - up and the latest designer accessories with the standard, tartan plaid, Catholic school uniform. The rest of us were wearing knee socks with freshly scrubbed faces. I grew to feel sorry for Melissa. She never smiled much. In Latin, the word vanity is translated to irritum. Mom introduced me to literature and mythology as far back as I can remember. When we discussed Melissa, Mom read me the story of Narcissus, a perfect metaphor for vanity. The Alchemist“The alchemist picked up a book that someone in the caravan had brought. Leafing through the pages, he found a story about Narcissus. "The alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth who knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus. "But this was not how the author of the book ended the story. "He said that when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears. 'Why do you weep?' the goddesses asked. 'I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied. 'Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus,' they said, 'for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand.' 'But... was Narcissus beautiful?' the lake asked. 'Who better than you to know that?' the goddesses asked in wonder. 'After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!' The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said: 'I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected.' 'What a lovely story,' the alchemist thought.” Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist Vanity or Insecurity...Through my early adulthood, I was painfully shy. If someone complimented my appearance or accomplishments, I was uncomfortable. Today, I see where introverted people can be unjustly perceived as self- absorbed, superior, even conceited. As a Nursing Instructor, I observe students of all ages feeling very preoccupied, stressed, even self - absorbed. Both extroverts and introverts feel as though all eyes are on them. They can be unduly harsh and critical of themselves, for example with an oral presentation. Things that are of glaring concern to others may not even be noticed by others Vanity and Vulnerability... In 1999, I was 37 years old. I was in great physical shape and felt comfortable in my own skin. As a Nurse Executive, I believed that confidence was demonstrated, even if not felt, when there was not a hair out of place. After a life - altering incident in June, 1999, I appreciated what is was like to be totally vulnerable and dependent on loved ones. Yet, along with my vulnerability came clarity. I slowly became strong again and was finally able to shed my belief that perfection is possible or even desirable. I know today that living every day to the fullest is my priority. Life experience, both the good and the bad, has taught me the most valuable lessons. I know that one's appearance is a direct reflection of how they are feeling about themselves. Make - up and accouterments are no substitute for inner beauty and strength. Without a solid core that comes from within, the exterior is essentially a facade. Vanity and Aging...Today, I still take pride in my appearance and accomplishments. However, I have accepted the changes to my body that comes with middle age. I also appreciate age - appropriate attire with simple, classic lines. I wonder what makes some people try to look and dress much younger. Despite outward appearances, these individuals don't look any happier than Melissa did in grade school. I believe that 'high maintenance' people have an increased need for 'going to the shop'. I would rather spend my precious time doing things I enjoy with family and friends. One thing I don't enjoy when 'out and about' is our society's preoccupation with themselves - aka 'the selfie stick'. Mind you, I've only recently learned that such an item existed. To me, the need to take non-stop pictures of oneself seems the epitome of vanity. I recently took both a tour bus and river boat cruise guide. I look forward to sharing my grand observations in an upcoming post. While away, I developed the skill of 'dodging the selfie stick'. These weapons of self-adulation could have inflicted some serious damage. I got a kick out of the devil that resides in my husband. His goofy grin is no doubt on every selfie we witnessed in our vicinity. He taught me that this was the act of 'photo bombing' if you are ever so inclined... :) "There's something ugly about a pretty boy who knows he's pretty and assumes everyone else knows it too." Nova Ren Suma The following song is an obvious sound track for my thoughts today, Carly Simon's You're So Vain. Hoping you enjoy the latest happenings in the rest of Weeblyville:
Until next week take good care of you and those you care about, mar
22 Comments
Angie
9/30/2015 10:03:03 am
It is interesting to see how many folks take an inordinate amount of selfies. I have taken a few myself, but "few" is key. I expect the young folks to take more than the more mature folks - but it's something I hope they leave behind once they mature. But when people who have moved into their 30's and beyond do this excessively, it can signal something else about them than just narcissism. Studies have suggested that many of these folks have an underlying issue with their self-confidence or even a mental disorder.
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Gail Sobotkin
9/30/2015 10:19:52 am
Dear Maria,
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9/30/2015 10:21:12 am
Whew !! Damned good thing that "Perfection" is not necessary. At least I can be assured a little space in society, girlfriend! This is so interesting Maria. You know, I like to think back to laugh at myself. For that matter, I can actually laugh at my entire Boomer Generation.
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Mike
9/30/2015 10:27:23 am
Good morning mar. What an interesting presentation. I have known a vain person or two along the way. I guess it is a to each their own kind of thing. Now, me, I was so good looking ..................... there is a joke in there somewhere. Happy Wednesday.
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Sunshine
9/30/2015 11:10:39 am
Excellent song to accompany your message! Love me some Carly Simon! I've always been low key, ain't nobody got time to be high maintenance. Dresses, jewelry, heels just ain't my thing. I watch as celebrities transform themselves with Botox and cosmetic surgery and yell at them to STOP! Some celebrities are melting! Haha!
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Great article, Maria!
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IiMar, I can relate to this view on vanity. I know I spent a large part of my life when I was young feeling that appearance was very important, in fact the most important aspect. I'm sure that was due to insecurity. I now believe that appearance is important but not as important as living a healthy lifestyle and feeling good in your skin. being able to age with dignity is my goal. Love you and your musings.P.S. As long as they make ' nice and easy ' hair color I will indulge. lol.
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Kathy
10/1/2015 08:18:37 am
Great post, M.! Thanks for the reminder to keep it real, keep life down to earth, get out of ourselves.
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Dear Mar, the line between narcissism, extroversion and being a born entertainer is not always clear. I rather see myself as an amateur actor, entertaining my audience, than a Narcissist. I hate my own pictures, yet I'm sharing it because it's part of visual socializing. Just like I show myself when I walk around in real life, I show myself online, and especially during adventures I am sharing with my relatives and friends.
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Your statement really sums it up clearly, "The need to take non-stop pictures of oneself seems the epitome of vanity." It amazes me how this has pervaded the stream of our communication with one another. Look at me, look at me. Many people seem to be totally self absorbed.
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Shauna
10/3/2015 03:21:52 pm
You've relayed some wonderful thoughts here, Mar. Vanity too often takes the place of pride. It's one thing to pride yourself on your appearance, it's quite another to obsess over it. To me, that's vanity.
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