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mar's Desk

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Marcoujor: Vanity Views

9/30/2015

22 Comments

 
Picturemarcoujor
Growing up with Vanity....

Vanity is defined as taking great pride in one's appearance and accomplishments. A synonym for vanity is conceit.

For most of my life, I have been a perfectionist. To me, this is the equivalent of taking great pride in my appearance and accomplishments.

I went to grade school in the 1960s - 1970s. My classmate, Melissa, stood out to me. Today, she would very much have reminded me of Jon Bonet.

Melissa was a natural beauty, not terribly smart. I had never seen a young girl wearing nylon stockings, full make - up and the latest designer accessories with the standard, tartan plaid, Catholic school uniform. The rest of us were wearing knee socks with freshly scrubbed faces.

I grew to feel sorry for Melissa. She never smiled much. In Latin, the word vanity is translated to irritum.

Mom introduced me to literature and mythology as far back as I can remember. When we discussed Melissa, Mom read me the story of Narcissus, a perfect metaphor for vanity.

The Alchemist

“The alchemist picked up a book that someone in the caravan had brought. Leafing through the pages, he found a story about Narcissus.

"The alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth who knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus.

"But this was not how the author of the book ended the story.

"He said that when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.

'Why do you weep?' the goddesses asked.

'I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.

'Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus,' they said, 'for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand.'

'But... was Narcissus beautiful?' the lake asked.

'Who better than you to know that?' the goddesses asked in wonder. 'After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!'

The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said:

'I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected.'

'What a lovely story,' the alchemist thought.” 


Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Vanity or Insecurity...

Through my early adulthood, I was painfully shy. If someone complimented my appearance or accomplishments, I was uncomfortable.

Today, I see where introverted people can be unjustly perceived as self- absorbed, superior, even conceited.

As a Nursing Instructor, I observe students of all ages feeling very preoccupied, stressed, even self - absorbed. Both extroverts and introverts feel as though all eyes are on them. They can be unduly harsh and critical of themselves, for example with an oral presentation.

Things that are of glaring concern to others may not even be noticed by others

Vanity and Vulnerability...

In 1999, I was 37 years old. I was in great physical shape and felt comfortable in my own skin.

As a Nurse Executive, I believed that confidence was demonstrated, even if not felt, when there was not a hair out of place.

After a life - altering incident in June, 1999, I appreciated what is was like to be totally vulnerable and dependent on loved ones.

Yet, along with my vulnerability came clarity. I slowly became strong again and was finally able to shed my belief that perfection is possible or even desirable.

I know today that living every day to the fullest is my priority. Life experience, both the good and the bad, has taught me the most valuable lessons.

I know that one's appearance is a direct reflection of how they are feeling about themselves. Make - up and accouterments are no substitute for inner beauty and strength. Without a solid core that comes from within, the exterior is essentially a facade.

Vanity and Aging...

Today, I still take pride in my appearance and accomplishments.

However, I have accepted the changes to my body that comes with middle age. I also appreciate age - appropriate attire with simple, classic lines.

I wonder what makes some people try to look and dress much younger. Despite outward appearances, these individuals don't look any happier than Melissa did in grade school.

I believe that 'high maintenance' people have an increased need for 'going to the shop'. I would rather spend my precious time doing things I enjoy with family and friends.

Picture
foto via Tumisu of Pixabay
One thing I don't enjoy when 'out and about' is our society's preoccupation with themselves - aka 'the selfie stick'.

Mind you, I've only recently learned that such an item existed.  To me, the need to take non-stop pictures of oneself seems the epitome of vanity.

I recently took both a tour bus and river boat cruise guide.  I look forward to sharing my grand observations in an upcoming post.

While away, I developed the skill of 'dodging the selfie stick'.  These weapons of self-adulation could have inflicted some serious damage.

I got a kick out of the devil that resides in my husband.  His goofy grin is no doubt on every selfie we witnessed in our vicinity.  He taught me that this was the act of 'photo bombing' if you are ever so inclined... :)

"There's something ugly about a pretty boy who knows he's pretty and assumes everyone else knows it too." Nova Ren Suma

The following song is an obvious sound track for my thoughts today, Carly Simon's You're So Vain.
Hoping you enjoy the latest happenings in the rest of Weeblyville:
  • This Charming Pope via WarnerWords
  • ​Yes... I Am Your Grandmother via Graceful Intentions
  • World's Finest Craftsmanship via New Harmony's Creation Station by flashPress
​
Until next week take good care of you and those you care about, mar
22 Comments
Angie
9/30/2015 10:03:03 am

It is interesting to see how many folks take an inordinate amount of selfies. I have taken a few myself, but "few" is key. I expect the young folks to take more than the more mature folks - but it's something I hope they leave behind once they mature. But when people who have moved into their 30's and beyond do this excessively, it can signal something else about them than just narcissism. Studies have suggested that many of these folks have an underlying issue with their self-confidence or even a mental disorder.

In my own experience, the folks who are older and do this, have all either been addicted or overcoming addictions of some type, or seem to be in relationships where they choose partners who belittle/abuse them.

Concerning vanity, I think there's a lot of work ahead of parents in raising children who care about others more than themselves...

Great, thought-provoking article, Maria!

Hope you enjoy the rest of your week!

~Angie

Reply
Maria link
9/30/2015 04:34:09 pm

Thanks for your wise and insightful comments, dear Angie.
It's always a pleasure when you stop by.
Have a peaceful week. Hugs, Maria

Reply
Gail Sobotkin
9/30/2015 10:19:52 am

Dear Maria,
Had to laugh at Geoff "photobombing" as many selfie pictures as he could!
I do think growing older (at least for many of us) helps us re-focus our priorities, be less concerned with superficial things and feel more comfortable in our own skin.
Sending Blessings and Love,
Gail

Reply
Maria link
9/30/2015 04:32:07 pm

I agree with you, dear Gail.
Feeling comfortable in our own skin is a wonderful benefit of age.
Love you and hugs, Maria

Reply
paula jamison link
9/30/2015 10:21:12 am

Whew !! Damned good thing that "Perfection" is not necessary. At least I can be assured a little space in society, girlfriend! This is so interesting Maria. You know, I like to think back to laugh at myself. For that matter, I can actually laugh at my entire Boomer Generation.
We DID focus on "appearance." That's just the way it was. No need for me to EXPLAIN to another boomer (which you are much TOO young to be)....But, Oh Praise to the older, wiser & more comfortable Boomer gal. Now we know the really IMPORTANT things that matter. Slip into a pair of sweats and run a comb through our hair. We're gorgeous! LOL We have people to make happy, including us!
Hey Maria my sweet....You're one very smart woman! Love, Paula

Reply
Maria link
9/30/2015 04:36:45 pm

I am a proud Boomer, dear Paula.
We see eye to eye on this issue~ no surprise.
And you are indeed one gorgeous lady!
Love ya, Maria

Reply
Mike
9/30/2015 10:27:23 am

Good morning mar. What an interesting presentation. I have known a vain person or two along the way. I guess it is a to each their own kind of thing. Now, me, I was so good looking ..................... there is a joke in there somewhere. Happy Wednesday.

Reply
Maria link
9/30/2015 04:38:40 pm

Hi Handsome,
You sure do make me smile...
Hugs and thanks, mar

Reply
Sunshine
9/30/2015 11:10:39 am

Excellent song to accompany your message! Love me some Carly Simon! I've always been low key, ain't nobody got time to be high maintenance. Dresses, jewelry, heels just ain't my thing. I watch as celebrities transform themselves with Botox and cosmetic surgery and yell at them to STOP! Some celebrities are melting! Haha!

Reply
Maria link
9/30/2015 04:41:32 pm

Dear Sunshine,
You are refreshing in your attitude and you light up my posts with your visits.
And you are one of the most beautiful women I am proud to call friend.
Love, MM

Reply
Sannel link
9/30/2015 04:02:57 pm

Great article, Maria!
Just like Mike, I have in my life known a vain person or two. . . .or ten! Yes unfortunately, there are many vain people out there. :(
I'm just so glad to have a sensible head on my shoulders. A head with sagging eyelids and wrinkles, but I do love all of it. I really do!!
We're all going to be old and wrinkled. It's nothing we can do anything about. It doesn't matter how many facelifts we've had. So, instead of fighting it, live with it ,and age with dignity and peace. :)
Love you, my beautiful girlfriend!
Take care!
Sannel

Reply
Maria link
9/30/2015 04:44:30 pm

I only see grace, kindness and true beauty when I look at you, dear Sannel.
Thanks for being you and for these sweet remarks.
Love and hugs, Maria

Reply
Ruby link
9/30/2015 06:25:00 pm

IiMar, I can relate to this view on vanity. I know I spent a large part of my life when I was young feeling that appearance was very important, in fact the most important aspect. I'm sure that was due to insecurity. I now believe that appearance is important but not as important as living a healthy lifestyle and feeling good in your skin. being able to age with dignity is my goal. Love you and your musings.P.S. As long as they make ' nice and easy ' hair color I will indulge. lol.

Reply
Maria link
10/4/2015 10:05:45 am

Dear Ruby,
You are NICE so this comment is EASY.
You are beautiful inside and out~ next goal please?!
Love you, mar

Reply
Kathy
10/1/2015 08:18:37 am

Great post, M.! Thanks for the reminder to keep it real, keep life down to earth, get out of ourselves.

Reply
Maria link
10/4/2015 10:07:46 am

What a great comment, Kathy.
So happy when you stop by, dear friend.

Reply
Martie link
10/1/2015 04:26:43 pm

Dear Mar, the line between narcissism, extroversion and being a born entertainer is not always clear. I rather see myself as an amateur actor, entertaining my audience, than a Narcissist. I hate my own pictures, yet I'm sharing it because it's part of visual socializing. Just like I show myself when I walk around in real life, I show myself online, and especially during adventures I am sharing with my relatives and friends.

Thanks for yet another profound post :)

Reply
Maria link
10/4/2015 10:12:25 am

Dear Martie,
You are a cool chick who keeps yourself and your life experiences in a reality-based balance. That was a choice, right...lol.
I love your pictures mostly because I love you~ so please keep them coming!

Reply
Peg link
10/3/2015 10:49:53 am

Your statement really sums it up clearly, "The need to take non-stop pictures of oneself seems the epitome of vanity." It amazes me how this has pervaded the stream of our communication with one another. Look at me, look at me. Many people seem to be totally self absorbed.

Reply
Maria link
10/4/2015 10:14:57 am

As usual, we're on the same page, dear Peg. Thanks for your visit.

Hope you're having a peaceful weekend. Love, mar

Reply
Shauna
10/3/2015 03:21:52 pm

You've relayed some wonderful thoughts here, Mar. Vanity too often takes the place of pride. It's one thing to pride yourself on your appearance, it's quite another to obsess over it. To me, that's vanity.

I never did get the selfie thing. I hate having my picture taken. Then again, I guess the selfie stick comes in handy when you're out and about as a tourist and would rather not ask a stranger to take a shot of you and your hubbie or friend in front of the Eiffel Tower.

Everything has its place.

Reply
Maria link
10/4/2015 10:17:29 am

Dear Sha,
Thanks for adding your perspective!
As usual, I agree with your balanced views.
Love you and hugs, mar

Reply



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    Marcoujor

    Welcome to my desk...

    I am a work in progress, so a rule of thumb is to expect the unexpected every week!

    Pull up a comfy chair and make yourself at home.

    Thank you,

    mar  



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