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mar's Desk

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Marcoujor: What Matters

10/14/2015

32 Comments

 
Picture
What Matters
 
I have given some thought to What Matters...?... based on the quote by Jonathan Kozol, "Pick battles big enough to matter and small enough to win."
    
Sleep On It
 
I don't know about you, but each day is a complete and different surprise for me, at least in some small way. Waking up with the best of intentions, any number of both positive and negative factors can influence the outcome of your day.


Picture
 I remember Mom who was ever wise. There are many phrases and sayings in my toolbox of life skills that are straight out of her mouth. The following are a few of the many expressions I learned from Miss Sammie:
 
  • Sleeping on it... If it still really matters in the morning 'that's another story'.* Putting some things 'on the back burner'. While I was never a great cook, I learned that family, education, work and responsibilities mattered first and foremost.

  • Remembering 'not to bite off more than I can chew'... I work on this every day. I may just get there one day!
 
  • Not 'burning the candle at both ends'... For some strange reason, the older I get, the easier this gets! These days I just burn the scented votives.
 
To me, everyone has priorities. In my professional experience as a nurse, I have seen a wide range of judgment, wisdom and insight where these priorities are concerned.I may not assume that what matters to me, actually matters to someone else. 
 
I am getting better at asserting that what matters to someone else, does not have to become my pressing cause or priority. Ahhh, the back burner again... now we're cooking, Miss Sammie!
 
Let It Go
 
Through years of deep soul searching and honest acknowledgement of my feelings, I realize that self - forgiveness is within our power.Whether an action is deliberate or accidental, I do not wish to be burdened with the job of registering wrongs. I believe what matters is moving on from the past and making things as right as you can. I am grateful that I do not have to be the judge in any situation, unless it has to do with me or my personal actions.
 
I worked with a manager who taught me that ... communication, at best, is difficult.There can be misunderstandings with the best of intentions. Therefore, in daily interactions with those I care about, work with or even casually encounter, a prompt, honest and direct approach works best for me.

When Tomorrow Comes
 
None of us knows what tomorrow will bring. Although I try to be organized to a fault, I know I cannot plan the timing or nature of my death.So much of life is a crap shoot.
 
Despite having a deep faith and base of spitituality, I recognize that very little of life is truly within our control.So why would death be any different...? Death is a part of life.
 
None of us tend to imagine in our childhood years: "One day (maybe now), I will have cancer, heart disease or be a fatality in a criminal act."Mom had a way of being both cut and dry and comfortingly tender about life and death issues.
 
Some of her expressions that I think of to this day are:
 
  • 'When it's your time to go ... it's your time to go'. This was sometimes even accompanied by a: 'You can't fight City Hall'.
 
  • 'Keep your house in order. Always be prepared...' Through this attitude and mindset, I learned how to prioritize what truly matters. For me, when someone or something is truly special to me, nurturing that relationship or issue is of utmost priority.
 
In our family, this maternal attitude translated to stepping up when family and friends need us. An individual approach is needed for everyone. Some welcome closeness in illness, deriving support from frequent visits. Still others prefer privacy, especially during times of serious illness.I have learned that what matters is respecting the wishes of those you love.
 
I prefer to say my goodbyes on my terms. When you treat every conversation as though it may be your last, it is so much easier to 'keep your house in order' and settle petty misunderstandings promptly.
 
And when things are out of your control, take as much control as you can, even if it is by planting/sending a tree, bush or flower in honor of someone you love.
 
Pick the Hill You Die On
 
In the tapestry of my professional nursing career, I was blessed to have worked with a compassionate, rational and wise Labor Relations Coordinator for about four years.
 
In my role as a Nursing Administrator, we sat together at many a Union negotiation table, for many an issue. Ralph had a way of making these potentially volatile meetings tolerable. In fact, with our combined personalities, we were able to cut much tension with a relaxed and respectful atmosphere.
 
What made Ralph so wise was the application of his life philosophy throughout his work ethic. I continue to utilize two of his kernels of wisdom throughout most every decision / action in my life:
 
  • 'Be hard on the issue and not the person.' I discover time after time, that sticking to the facts and keeping objective... not at all personal... is most effective in resolving issues, from major to minor. What matters is the resolution and return to harmony.
 
  • 'Pick the hill you die on'. This one confused me initially, as I had no military point of reference. Ralph certainly did, with having served our country in Vietnam. He taught me to consider if proving a point / taking a stand was truly worth any casualties from my action.
 
If any person helped me decide what truly matters, besides my Momma, I would give this distinction to Ralph.
 
This song helps me keep perspective on what really matters, Johnny Cash’s The Gambler
Please take the time to check out the latest in Weeblyhood:
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Thank you for visiting and until next time, peace...

Mar
32 Comments
Peg link
10/14/2015 09:43:12 am

Wise words from your sources, Mar. I really like the philosophy, make sure "taking a stand was truly worth any casualties from my action." The wisdom of your Mom is always pertinent and eternal. Love.

Reply
Helena
10/14/2015 10:20:43 am

wow what a wonderful article you have composed and published. You surely are one special lady who I am so glad to know.

Reply
Maria link
10/14/2015 06:57:04 pm

What a treat to see you here, H...

...looking forward to catching up with you for lunch~ will be in touch.

Love, Maria


Maria link
10/14/2015 06:54:33 pm

Dear Peg,
Love your insights and agree that Mom's lessons are timeless.
Have a peaceful evening.
Love, mar

Reply
Gail Sobotkin
10/14/2015 11:48:07 am

Dear Maria,
As always, you've given us some phrases to think about that are filled with wisdom that will make our lives run more smoothly even when we are faced with challenging times and events.
I particularly love the "Be hard on the issue and not the person," quote.
Hope you're having some beautiful fall weather.
Sending Love and Blessings Your Way,
Gail

Reply
Maria link
10/14/2015 07:15:29 pm

Thanks for your feedback, dear Gail~ always appreciate your visits.
The weather is perfect...my favorite time of year for sure.
Hope you and Fred are well.
Love and hugs,
Maria

Reply
paula link
10/14/2015 12:16:10 pm

It truly is vital to us, our happiness, health, success and peace of mind, to be certain we know "what matters." Like you, dear friend Maria, I learned so very much from observing and listening to my mother and father. As my sister and I matured, their words and philosophies became more and more important.
If we can remember to ask ourselves, "What matters at this moment?" we have been blessed with the gift of wisdom. From there, we only need to share and love.
When dark and frightening days come (and they will) we'll be armed with our wealth of knowledge, to say and do what really matters.
Thanks so much Maria. Hugs, Paula/Effer

Reply
Dear Paula link
10/14/2015 07:53:12 pm

Dear Paula,
Thanks for your perceptive and relatable remarks.
Our parents did teach us valuable life lessons for the long haul.
Love and peace, Maria

Reply
Mike
10/14/2015 01:42:43 pm

Hello mar. You learned so much at your Mother's knee. It has served you well, as you face all challenges with shoulders squared and a smile. Nice to know that much of the homespun philosophy from the prior generation is filtered down to us and by us to the next generation.

Yes, there are unkowns that we are all going to face. Hey, I should write about that. haha

Have a great week.

Reply
Maria link
10/14/2015 07:56:53 pm

Dear Mike,
It pleases me that I triggered your writing muscle with my thoughts...
You and Mom would have gotten along famously.
You have a great week too!

Reply
Sannel Larson link
10/14/2015 01:47:49 pm

Dear Maria,
After reading this post, the expression; The apple doesn't fall far from the tree comes to mind. Just like your dear Mom, her wisdom shines through in you. But not only her wisdom but her humor, as well. . . :) Her expressions are something to think about, and I love them all, just like I love you.
Take care, sweet friend!
Love and hugs,
Sannel

Reply
Maria link
10/14/2015 07:59:50 pm

What a sweet comment, my dear Sannel~ thanks for this feedback which means the world.
Mom did have a delightfully wry sense of humor.
Love you and hugs, Maria

Reply
Martie link
10/14/2015 03:38:41 pm

Dear Maria, this is a very profound, thought-provoking and inspiring post about what really matters. You have said so much that I'm not able to summarize the essence in a single sentence. This post belongs in a 'Thought for the day' anthology by Maria Jordan.

Hugs,
Martie

Reply
Maria link
10/14/2015 08:10:16 pm

Wow, Martie~
The thought of 'collecting my thoughts' is dizzying...
...but as you can imagine, I'm thinking about it... LOL.
Love you and thank you, mar

Reply
Sunshine
10/14/2015 06:29:42 pm

I am listening to Johnny Cash right now. Awesome song to accompany your thoughts! I think I like Kenny Roger's version better though...that's a secret :) I so appreciate your words for today. I stumbled upon Cap's high school yearbook today, I looked at this photo and I did think...that kid at that time had no idea what laid ahead of him (I know, none of us did, but just sayin' those were my thoughts today) and then I read your blog :)

Reply
Maria link
10/14/2015 08:16:01 pm

Dear Sunshine,
I actually like Kenny's version better~ yet I wanted Mom to have a song by Johnny, her all time favorite.
Thanks for your profound thoughts as you think of your Cap. You have both been on my mind as I'm reading your latest book~ which is beyond inspiring.
Love ya, MM

Reply
Sunshine
10/14/2015 08:48:56 pm

Your mom sure had great taste in music! :) You have great taste in books! :)

Maria link
10/14/2015 09:19:20 pm

I think so too, Linda Kaywood...and my readers will agree once they see my upcoming review...😘

femmeflashpoint
10/15/2015 08:19:27 pm

Prof. Mahreer,

Your mama had some sound advice. Worked in her time and works well in our time too.

Smart lady. Just like you.

femme

Reply
Maria link
10/19/2015 09:43:07 am

Thanks for the visit and your assistance in formatting, dear femme.

I do believe Mom was the smartest person I've ever known~ my first and best teacher.

Reply
Kimmie
10/16/2015 03:38:30 pm

Hi Mar
Having a Ga peach for a mom too so many phrases and things you mentioned rang true in my heart. Thank you dear friend.
Love and hugs
Kimmie

Reply
Maria link
10/19/2015 09:45:08 am

Dear Kim,
We are blessed to have the best~ nothing like having a Georgia peach for a Momma.
Love and hugs, Maria

Reply
Vicki
10/17/2015 07:18:54 am

Dear Maria,
Love your deep thoughts, and the value that memories play in your life. One of the most valuable things I've learned in life is to "sleep on it" before making major decisions.
Your mother was a wise and lovely person. It's so comforting she was able to fill your life with her sweet sayings.
Love and hugs to you.

Reply
Maria link
10/19/2015 09:48:20 am

Thanks for your insightful feedback, dear Vicki.
I do feel so fortunate to have had Mom's solid and sage guidance through my life.
Wishing you a peaceful week.
Love, mar

Reply
Angie Mobley
10/18/2015 09:42:25 am

Hi, Maria -

I love these kinds of sayings - they are as colorful as the people who've developed them. The wisdom that's been distilled over time has been passed down through them.

What a blessing to have been given the mama you had. I can see that the line of wisdom she comes from is still moving forward in you...

Thanks for the mention! : )

~Angie

Reply
Maria link
10/19/2015 09:51:08 am

Dear Angie,
Your words make me smile inside out...
Thanks for your visit and your presence in Weeblyhood.
Hugs, Maria

Reply
Shauna
10/18/2015 04:11:36 pm

Mar, I grew up with your mom's words of wisdom. It seems moms who truly care have learned those lessons and love their offspring enough to pass on those words in order to spare them the trials that brought the words to life.

The older I get the more I choose my battles. In fact, the only battles that stick in my mind are the ones I created. I no longer create them. I do that by going with the flow and listening to my inner self. She knows me better than anyone. For too long I alienated her. No more. She has had a lifetime of karma and lessons that have strengthened her backbone. Who am I to argue with that?

Reply
Maria link
10/19/2015 09:54:48 am

Dear Sha,
I wouldn't argue with your inner self either... she sounds like a smart cookie.
You are indeed a 'true blue' ~ thanks for being in my life.
Love ya, mar

Reply
Theresa
10/18/2015 11:44:50 pm

Dear Maria, wow, my precious Momma shared these same words of wisdom. It seems it takes a lot of living to finally come to a point in our life when we truly understand what matters most. You are the keeper of good and wise words, so I know I can count on you to pull them from your memory and share. I will be mindful to look at each conversation as if it my last with the particular person for it may very well be ... Peace and blessings always, Theresa

Reply
Maria link
10/19/2015 09:57:45 am

Your kindness and life wisdom radiates though your reflections, dear Theresa.
Your momma taught you so well ~ as well.
Wishing you a blessed week.
Love and hugs, Maria

Reply
Mary link
10/20/2015 10:05:05 am

Maria, your Mom & mine must've gone to the same school. How wonderful and wise their outlook was.
Ralph was a very special person and had a great outlook even if he wasn't a Mom ;)
We draw our strength and inspiration from many sources as you so aptly point out.

Reply
Maria link
10/21/2015 02:02:39 pm

Lucky us for having such caring and wise Moms, dear Mary.

Your remarks are insightful and most appreciated.

Reply



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    Marcoujor

    Welcome to my desk...

    I am a work in progress, so a rule of thumb is to expect the unexpected every week!

    Pull up a comfy chair and make yourself at home.

    Thank you,

    mar  



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